I built this “oil sucker” vacuum chamber and pump from about $18.00 worth of parts:

An “Ozark trails” air mattress pump from Wal-Mart

A 5-gallon paint bucket and tight-fitting lid (or similar rigid, lidded plastic container, like a cat litter bucket)

A couple of hose fittings, and a few feet each of 1/4 and 3/4 I.D. tubing.

Use tygon or polyethelene tubing for heat resistance and pliability on the oilpan side. Use any clear nylon-reinforced 3/4” tubing for the suction pump side.

To change your oil using this method, first heat the oil by driving the car for 15-20 minutes. Then remove the dipstick and snake the 1/4 I.D. tube into the oilpan.

Next, connect the 3/4 hose to the “deflate” side of the air pump, and start sucking air out of the vacuum chamber, which will draw oil into the paint bucket vacuum chamber. When the oilpan is empty, wiggle the hose around to make sure you’ve hit to low point of the pan and try sucking more out.

Note that the pump side is mounted on the lid of the paint bucket vacuum chamber, so no oil ever contaminates the pump.

The unresolved part of this “mess less” oil change method is the trouble of getting the oil filter unscrewed and draining the oil from it; on the TT, I put a Ziploc freezer bag around the filter and factory oil cooler before unscrewing it to catch oil drips, then I invert the old filter in my oil recycling pan to drain as much old oil as possible. Of course, I then take the whole mess to AutoZone for recycling.

Mobil 1: $30.00 in, $0.00 going out. No more crush washers or dirty T-shirts. Consider a magnetic bolt for your oilpan to keep contaminants normally at the bottom of the oilpan out of circulation.