About my blog

Mothers Day Memories (from today)

Sun, 10 May 2009 16:44:33 -0400

Ben’s playing the Wii. I’m resting on the sofa. Charlotte’s next to me. Ben suddenly yells, “HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!”. Oh it just made me so happy inside.
I got to take an 8 minute nap.
Charlotte came into the bedroom this morning with a BAG FULL of homemade goodies for me. There was framed painting of me and her. A fill-in-the-blank page where she wrote things all about mommy. Another beautiful picture of me and her on RED PAPER (my favorite color, she told me), a recipe book featuring her friends’ moms’ recipes (produced by her Kindergarten teacher). It was sooo cute and funny! And Charlotte READ IT TO ME...the best part of the gift! Listening to her read to me! See pictures below.
I sat in the sun in my courtyard with my green Perrier bottle and my iPhone. I got some sun on the back of my legs as I rested. Aaaahhh. That was nice!
Charlotte took care of me all day long.... My sweet daughter. She helped with AJ, snuggled with me, fetched things when I needed them, encouraged all of us to go out to dinner to celebrate. Just EXTREMELY thoughtful things. Thanks Charlotte! She told me at the beginning of the day that I was going to have the best day ever... And she made it happen! I was truly beyond surprised and overwhelmed by it all day.
Finally, my favorite. I took Charlotte and Ben to a restaurant for breakfast that I haven’t been to since they were 3 and 1. It used to be soooo hard to take them there. They’d play with the jelly packets, whine too loudly - disturbed others, Charlotte once threw a shoe at the table next to us. I was never able to enjoy my meal. It was so hard that I stopped taking them. Now, 3 years later, I took them for the first time. We had the most wonderful morning. We played tic tac toe and hangman while we waited (30 minute wait and NO PROBLEM!). We continued coloring and occupying ourselves easily after we sat down. All three of us shared eggs, hash browns, and blueberry pancakes. As I was sitting there, I realized how symbolic it was on Mothers Day to realize how far we have come - the three of us specifically. I felt like a PROUD MOMMY on Mothers Day! Proud of them for growing up so beautifully...and proud of ME for actually doing a good job of raising them! So I toasted to myself with my decaf...and look forward to many more memorable mothers days.
Oh and I bought myself a GREAT handbag on my husband’s amex. Thannks hon!!

Shabbat Shalom!

Sat, 9 May 2009 14:08:52 -0400

On April 18th, 2009, Gary and I went to see Fiddler on the Roof at the Kravis Center. Topol, the original star, played the lead. He’s like 70! He was amazing! But more importantly, the story of Fiddler on the Roof spoke to me so personally that night. I was ashamed that I didn’t have my oldest child with me to see it. Charlotte would’ve loved it and perhaps would have retained the message it was sending... the message that I very much want my children to hear and believe. That is this: Jewish Tradition! It has meaning. And history. It is beautiful. And sad that it’s so diluted now. Jewish tradition and community is something I want in my life for my children...and for my children’s children.

So, after LOVING the performance, singing along with all the songs, and being hopeful that I can bring that to my family’s life, I decided to MAKE SURE to have Shabbat Dinner every Friday night. With that, I start this new blog entry that I will add to each Friday night to document our Friday Shabbats as a family.

Shabbat #1 April 24th: My sister Emily said that they keep Shabbat, too. She makes dinner. They turn off the TV. They do family activities. I love this idea! Easy! We announced to the children that we would be celebrating Shabbat as a family every Friday night. We have done this many times before...so it wasn’t news to them. Fine with us, they say! Mommy does the prayer over the candles. Daddy, kiddush. Charlotte, Challah. Ben and AJ, well we just hope they sit relatively still! Charlotte did an extra special great job at Hamotzi. She read the prayer from a little booklet she got from her preschool and sang the prayer beautifully. Oh and mommy loves drinking the wine!

For dinner, I made my mother-in-law’s “garlic chicken strips” without the garlic. Everyone loved!

After dinner, we played outside for over an hour... all of us! I didn’t even clean the kitchen! We played “dodgeball” - a great ball game that the whole family loves to play.

All in all, a VERY successful night!

Shabbat #2 May 1: Uncle Alan is visiting! We still have Shabbat. We do the same routine with the prayers. Uncle Alan very impressed with Charlotte’s rendition of Hamotzi. We eat Chicken Marsala, rice, salad. Yum!
We play Dodgeball again with Uncle Alan! Another great night.

Shabbat #3 May 8: Same time, same sandbox. We have lemon Tilapia, rice, green beans. Yay! Kids love the fish! Tonight, however, there is no game of dodgeball because Charlotte has her “Daddy/Daughter Dance” at her elementary school! Yippee! Her and daddy are adorable. Ben and AJ and I play at home. Another successful evening...

Shabbat #4 May 15: Well we JUST come back from celebrating AJ’s second birthday at Disney...so we are WIPED OUT. Shabbat on hold!

Shabbat #5 May 22: What a fun night!! It’s been raining, raining, raining in South Florida...so it was a fun evening INSIDE. Mommy cooked everyone’s favorite Chicken strips dinner with rice and green peas. Kids licked their plates! Yay! And AJ is so fun to watch... He uses his fork “french style” to eat and blows on anything that’s remotely warm. He ate everything! And we love listening to him say “alla” “alla” “alla” cuz he wants to DEVOUR the challah! The kids always help set-up Shabbat by bringing the dishes to the table, saying the prayers etc.. but tonight they ALSO really helped clean up! Hip Hip Hooray! Charlotte sprayed and wiped the tabletop, Ben dustbusted up ALL the peas on the floor, and of course they both brought all the dishes to the sink. Then we had an indoor tennis and baseball tournament... with the Wii!! Of course!! We all played, battled each other, laughed a lot, and enjoyed a true family activity. VERY family-like as we included 2 year-old AJ, too. We all watched him swing the extra Wii remote around, trying SO hard to be like the rest of us. It was especially funny as he was wearing a nice red polo shirt and... no pants! Giggle Giggle. It is so cozy - in more ways than one - to spend a rainy friday night celebrating Shabbat with my family. I love it. I love it. I love it. I am sooooo glad that we are doing it. We should all be forced to spend family time together - without phones or computers or deadlines or stress... Shabbat Shalom!

Oh that AJ!!!

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:46:21 -0400

I cannot BEGIN to describe how FUNNY this kid is! A few things to always laugh about:

AJ is into SHOES baby! He is constantly surveying the laundry room, my closet or his sister’s floor for a desirable SHOE. Just ONE shoe. He puts on ONE SHOE and walks around the house. Inevitably he loses the shoe. And there it rests. Wherever he left it. Therefore, our house is always full of individual shoes strewn across the tiles. Two particular things to note: 1) The best is when he selects a black Prada high heel. It looks pretty funny against his small white boy body. 2) Today he found a kid sized sneaker with velcro. He approached me, clearly unhappy that he can’t put this shoe on by himself. I secure the shoe on his little foot and watched him limp around in it. He walked in it, sat in it, went swimming with it and later, while Ben was bathing, AJ decided to take a BATH in it too! I found him in his brother’s bath with his ONE blue velcro sneaker and his diaper. Oh gosh - what a site!!!
He loves to march to “The ants go marching one by one hurrah. hurrah.”
He still waves backwards. “Bye!” as he waves TO HIMSELF.
When I’m fighting with somebody, he runs up in front of me, arms spread out as far as they go, and shouts “NO” at my offender. So noble!
He goes into the shower. Picks up a shampoo bottle. Tips it over as if to pour some into his hands. And then puts his little hands on his head and scrubs, scrubs, scrubs. He looks like an Herbal Essence commercial!
He loves to talk on the phone. “Hi!” and then “a;alsdjfoiupobuaikjhetpaofuas”!!!!!!
BICKEY is his absolute favorite. He will haul himself up onto any good sofa or bed to watch an episode of BICKEY (aka, mickey mouse).
He can’t talk. But when he’s babbling something and a grown up repeats the word correctly, he BEAMS with pride and repeats it back. He is so damn happy somebody “got him”! YAY AJ!
He pets his puppy for soothing. It’s so yummy. And if you pick him up, he’ll pet the backside of your upper arm. Extra yummy.
When he eats McDonald’s hash browns (ick!), he eats until he hits the paper wrapper, then he eats about 1/3 of the paper wrapper until he starts whining that he needs some help. It’s hysterical!
He hates long sleeved shirts! He stares with menace at his wrist wondering what the heck is touching me right there and get it off!

Happiness is....

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 20:37:36 -0400

I found myself wanting to run to my computer all day just to jot down some memorable moments that all gave me a little rush of happiness. So at 8:38 pm on a Sunday night, here I go, jotting them down. Happiness is:

Ben reading a book TO ME at bedtime. Absolutely flawlessly. A “Blues Clues” book. With his still babyish tenor voice, his storytelling melts your heart.
Little AJ sitting on the marble floor next to 80 year-old Grandpa Bernie building things with megablocks and breaking into fits of giggles cuz he simply LOVES to just PLAY!! And Grandma Lois getting ready to take kids out for ice cream. It just doesn’t get better than this!
Charlotte doing her homework on the kitchen table.
Discovering you have new friends! Ones that can “pop over” and enjoy the lovely things in life: new cars, cheap wine, steak dinners, princess get-ups, funny texts, and loads of laughter on a Saturday night.
AJ putting his arms up to his “sissy” to carry him up to bed. AJ falling onto his brother in a big ole bear hug. AJ raiding the snack cabinet and walking away happily with one bag of Doritos and one bag of cheese popcorn. And leaving a colorful trail wherever he goes!
Knowing there’s three great hours of TV on tonight.
Charlotte having a FIVER HOUR playdate OUT OF THE HOUSE! Thanks Ashley and Jules! The noise level was greatly reduced today.
My glass of McManus Cabernet Sauvignon from Publix.
The AMAZING DEALS I got today at Old Navy with my 30% off Friends & Family discount. The clothes were practically FREE and everyone in the family got a treat (or two or three!). No question though - mine are the cutest!
Watching Daddy and Benny battle-it-out on the Nintendo Wii all day today playing the BOLT game - Penny and that John Travoltaish dog sure kept them busy! And I swear that daddy and benny are the SAME AGE when they play that game! So darn cute.

Pictures below...nightey night! I’m off to watch Big Love on HBO.

The long crazy journey of Ben.

Sun, 8 Mar 2009 18:30:02 -0400

Ben spent the first 18 month of his life NOT MOVING...NOT MAKING A PEEP... just SMILING for everyone. He had 50 words at his first birthday but didn’t take a step until he was a year and a half old! After that, the big journey began.

Ben started preschool at 2 years old. The teaches fell in love with his charming enormous brown eyes and his happy silly personality. However, half way through the year, the phone calls started. They weren’t good phone calls. They were behavior problem phone calls. The kind that all of us moms really don’t like! Ben was pushing and throwing and grabbing faces and knocking into people... and the teachers were worried for the other kids’ safety. It was devastating. I was called in for parent-teacher conferences and asked to do something about this child! I made the teacher a list of my favorite Becky Bailey discipline strategies and knew these philosophies were the right ones to get Ben in order. So, we disciplined and disciplined... and I waited for it to kick in.

SIDEBAR: Dr. Becky Bailey is a teacher, author, and childhood development expert that created a program called “Conscious Discipline”. It says that as parents, we must use self control to think of conflict with our kids (a tantrum, your toddler wants to hit etc..) as an opportunity to TEACH THEM HOW TO BEHAVE instead of assuming it’s a problem that we want to CONTROL. We teach these children that THEY are responsible for their own actions, feelings etc..and this in turn, teaches them strong self-control type values. Good behavior will then appear! We will eventually teach them to choose the correct way to behave/cooperate. Because when they are babies/toddlers, they are NOT misbehaving...they just don't know how TO behave! They will test, test and test again to learn their limits..but when they are taught again and again, they will start to be more likely to choose to cooperate and behave in a good way.

Back to the story: So, we’re working on our conscious discipline and we’re not getting anywhere. It’s very upsetting to be the mom of the “bad kid” at school. My preschool director even said to me, “We need to watch him... I don’t want parents to start requesting their kids NOT be in the same class as Ben next year!”. How horrifying!! Are you kidding me??!! I’m doing everything I can!! My Benny??!! He’s just an active two year old boy!! This is normal two year old behavior!!! ...ISN’T IT???

Well, as it turns out, his behavior wasn’t “normal”. A play therapist that we were seeing suggested that he have a Sensory Processing Disorder evaluation. I say WHAT?? And then I call my sister who (yay!) is a pediatric occupational therapist (OT). She explains what a sensory processing disorder can look like...and this is, in fact, my Benny! And the local OT confirms it. I was very relieved to have an “excuse” and a framework as to how to fix it! And so we began weekly OT sessions. (For those of you who want to learn more about Sensory Processing Disorders, see www.sensory-processing-disorder.com). After 1 1/2 years of OT, Ben is a different kid.

Previously: Ran around tje classroom unfocused and physical.
Currently: Sits at the table when asked, focuses on his work, and listens to his teachers.

Previously: Couldn’t even PLAY with another kid at recess because he was so busy RUNNING IN CIRCLES around the playground or SWINGING NON STOP for thirty minutes - as per a “sensory seeking” kid.
Currently: Plays kickball and catch in teams of 2 - 3 boys beautifully at playtime. Can interact and enjoy his friends.

Previously: Couldn’t sit at circle time without rolling on the carpet or crashing against a friend’s body.
Currently: Can sit on the carpet nicely or can politely place himself in a chair which he knows will help him stay focused.

In other words, Ben was a “sensory seeker” who underwent weekly occupational therapy to help change the make-up of his brain to more effectively process his environment. With the OT, he is a much happier, better behaved (albeit not perfect in the least!), more functional normal kid! Even his grandma cannot believe his transformation!

SIDEBAR #2: I wish I could share with other parents more easily the following lesson I learned: When a teacher points out something that may be “different” about your child, do NOT simply get defensive and upset. Yes, boys are “active” at 2 years old. Yes, girls get very “bossy” around 4 years old. Yes, some kids are just “shy”. But YES, teachers see a LOT of children and KNOW when your child may look different than the others! Overly active... Overly bossy etc. The child really MAY have a special need - big or small. IT DOESN’T HURT TO GET SOME MORE INFORMATION! GET AN EVALUATION! TALK TO AN EXPERT! (and not just the pediatrician...they are experts on MEDICAL advice!). If I had not listened to his teachers, I would be raising a VERY different kid right now...and it would be VERY tough.

So, here’s how the story ends.

I love being with this boy. I love watching him struggle then succeed. I love watching him fight with his sister...but then want to go to Publix to pick up her favorite flavor popsicle. I love watching him invite friends for a playdate then fall asleep on the sofa. I love watching him throw the big beach ball to his baby brother so very gently. I love watching him master the remote control. I love listening to him have a fabulously charming conversation with his grandma on my iPhone. I love suffering through his nighttime ritual (Spongbob Squarepants for 15 minutes then sleeping together for 6 minutes then one hug and one kiss). I love listening to him sing his songs from school in the way back of the minivan. I love I love I love this child!

Last week, His Pre-K teacher calls a conference. She tells me that Ben displays all the qualities of a “gifted learner” and almost begs me to have him tested by a school psychologist to see if he qualifies for the local school’s “gifted program”. I am against this because I have already decided where he’s going to school...and it’s NOT the local school’s gifted program. I am just not interested in reconsidering - my mind is made up and I’m frankly too tired to start changing my mind. However, she tells me that he’s sooooo curious... he LOVES to be engaged... he retains information incredibly well and then USES it so beautifully at the right time. So I sit with this information a few days and decide to have this test done.

The lovely PhD child psychiatrist told me that Ben’s test indicated a 141 IQ. Further, despite him only being 4 1/2, he has the knowledge level of a mid first grader.

I will be registering him for Kindergarten - in the “gifted program” - for the 2009/2010 school year.

I am so proud of my Benny. He’s come so far. It’s been rough...and he’s very much STILL a work in progress... but holy cow, I love that boy. I just want wants best forever and ever and ever. And as we speak, my lovely little boy is in his bed, reading one of his 6 year old sister’s Kindergarten books....

And with that, a happy ending!