Team Elliot Blog

laura’s had a breakthrough

Tue, 5 May 2009 16:34:49 -0700

I woke up a few Sunday mornings ago, and told Rick I needed to dialogue on why I don’t feel creative in the playroom, why I get STUCK. And then the answers began to come in, bit by bit they just seemed to appear! (Ever look back at a moment with pure amazement at how in that moment you manifested SO MANY things?) We had decided a week before to have Suzanne Pruss (a Certified Son-Rise Instructor) do feedback sessions with our volunteers. We shared with her our intention to start focusing on the attitudinal part of our program and asked if she could focus on that aspect when giving feedback. (You see, I am great at teaching techniques but when it comes to the attitude part, I am, well, kind of whimpy. I have what I call “a need to be nice gene” belief - discovered awhile back in a dialogue. And although I am making progress, I haven’t completely shattered that belief yet.) So, off we went video taping and editing playroom sessions for Suzanne to review.

Meanwhile, Rick and I had begun discussions prepping for a team meeting that was a week away. It was about then that two timely gems appeared on Facebook; the first was a video posted by Greg Milk who beautifully pontificated - as only Greg can do - on his newly discovered “Platform of Acceptance”. Greg’s post then inspired a playroom experiment by Julie Sando (Certified Son-Rise Teacher) which she then posted about on Facebook. Her note was about how SHE ( 7 years at Option learning this stuff - SHE) had the most incredible joining experience ever. SHE had expanded HER ‘platform of acceptance’! Rick and I read it and it resonated exactly with where we needed to go with our team. We decided we would announce our new focus at our team meeting - Love and Acceptance first, technique second. (This has always been Rick’s focus I just hadn’t been playing along until now.) We read Julie’s post note at our team meeting and asked the team what they thought... some commented, some agreed while others were silent. We were committed regardless. We also decided to stop taking data for a while to let this new strategy grow without distraction. OH MY... my love: numbers, notes, MY proof of progress - gone - POW! This was going to be good for me, right?

Day One - confusion from the team, were they to stop requesting, stop challenging??? We talked, we experimented and then I had a consult with Julie Sando. Ok, we weren’t going to stop requesting or challenging just refocus US! Great, I was clear, but how to get the team caught up? Thank goodness, the Suzanne feedbacks began right then. Suzanne’s lessons started coming in...
head vs. heart gauge: “how much are you in your head and how much are you in your heart?” (OH NO! I am always in my head.)
“close your eyes, imagine yourself in that moment of discomfort, now rise above the situation so you are looking down at it. What do you need to know about yourself in order to change that feeling?” pause... “how about this, try finishing the sentence, “I am...” (Loving, Caring, Passionate, Giving, Fun) you fill in the words for yourself. “And the next time before you go into the playroom DECLARE “ I AM..._______________! ” (OK, I can do that)
back to the head vs. heart gauge: “Tie your declaration of who you are with all the techniques you already know and then you will lead with your heart and not your head.” (BAM!)
“if you are finding yourself with a need to ‘get things right’ in the room, this will create a stumbling block for you.” (BLOCK, like STUCK!)
“if you shift your belief to ‘there is NO right or wrong in the room’, this will make you really present and free to be with Elliot.” (i.e. NOT STUCK)
“creativity happens in the moment of loving yourself.” (ME?)
“bring your own voice to all your techniques.” (MY voice?)
“YOU are the instrument you are working on when you are in the room with him.” (OH MY - ME - not HIM???)

Notice a theme developing here???

So, MY breakthrough session came next. I got my Outer Space/Universe theme together, got clear on my intention and went in. “ME... Force of Nature, ME! I am an amazing Mom, ME! Hugely passionate, loving, giving, ME. Crazy, loud, High School Mascot, ME! Not real funny, but not afraid to make an ass of myself, ME! Could this really be about ME?” ... ready... set... go...

and there I was, experiencing myself as this person I had not known for years - silly, creative, NOT stuck... crashing into the walls of the playroom blown by my wind as Neptune; so small as Pluto that my voice resembled that creepy goblin in Harry Potter; so HUGE as Jupiter that I took up the whole room... and then it happened... MY SON LAUGHED AT ME....ME, he laughed at me! yeah, maybe I am funny.

I AM...

Dear Elliot

Tue, 5 May 2009 16:09:07 -0700

The greatest joy in being a Son-Rise Family is the ability for us to open many new windows that reveal brilliant views of the fresh unbound promise of humanity. Cast in the beautiful light now entering our home and our lives, we have seen new facets of hope and happiness reflecting through the hearts of friends, family, and new souls we meet. Through all those who have joined, stayed or passed through our lives, working with us in fearless exploration of what can be, we’ve all become better witnesses of our potential lying closer on the horizon as individuals and as a society. We write this in celebration of yet another shining moment in our amazing journey together.

We have an incredibly gifted playroom facilitator, Kirstyn, who has been working with our son, Elliot, for about a year. Kirstyn recently became engaged to her boyfriend Chet. During her first few months of learning Son-Rise principles, like what isms are and how to join them with love and acceptance, she would re-cap her experiences with Chet back at home. It was not long before Chet realized that Kirstyn’s accounts had unlocked a personal mystery he had been struggling with his entire life. He had been hiding many of the same characteristics that Elliot displays and had been painstakingly getting by with the challenges of it all. Chet shared the news with Kirstyn and together they did some research and discovered that Chet indeed had Aspergers Syndrome. Chet, 25, now had some relief and a new window of his own.

Upon the moment of their first meeting, Elliot and Chet have had an unexplainable connection…like a psychic reunion of two dear old friends from another place in time. Today’s celebration is for the unbelievably powerful poem Chet has written to Elliot following a dream he had …please enjoy it! After reading his insightful poetry you may understand why we are thrilled to have Chet begin work with Elliot in the playroom. We are blessed to have Chet and Kirstyn as part of our Son-Rise Family.

(One final note of amazement -- is that the two short sentences that include us, Elliot's parents, are our exact "dream moments" as defined by us at our Son-Rise start-up, neither of which we ever shared with Chet.)

With Love – Rick and Laura Sylvester

Dear Elliot,

I had a dream last night

it might have been a dream about me

it might have been a dream about you

I don't know that it makes a difference.

I was sitting at a table in the middle of a playroom.

It could have been your playroom

or maybe mine

I don't know that it makes a difference

One hand was holding a coloring book open

the other was working with a crayon.

I didn't give a damn about staying inside the lines

because the colors were beautiful.

The door opened

(it was a very predictable shade of brown

not at all the kind of door that should be in such a vibrant place)

and you walked in.

You were just a little bigger than you are now.

You came right up to me and looked down

because I was sitting on the floor

with my coloring book and table

(which was the same boring brown as the door

what's up with all these bland colors?)

You started talking.

I forget what you said

But your voice was confident

and your speech was clear

your brain was making ideas

and your mouth was giving them to my ears

who told my brain what your brain had made.

Without a hitch.

We clicked like puzzle pieces.

You communicated in a way that anyone

who spoke the same language could understand.

You locked eyes with me

and didn't once look away.

I might have seen crystals spinning in your irises

or maybe galaxies

I don't know that it makes a difference.

You smiled wide and were at home in your body.

You were, of course, still autistic

but no one could tell.

Then I noticed that the walls were

all white and undecorated.

There were shelves but there were no toys

no books

they were empty.

The whole room was empty

except for you, me, the table, my crayons, and my book.

Because you didn't need a playroom anymore.

And neither did I.

That part, I know, makes a difference.

And I didn't go tell Mom & Dad

because they were used to seeing you

function like this.

You did it every day.

Mom could talk to you about anything

and Dad could take you surfing.

And you could still show them whole universes

with the simplest things.

Commonplace phenomena.

That part makes a difference, too.

And then I woke up

and felt something bigger than myself move across the skin of my soul.

I went out into the world we try so hard to get you to see.

And saw that your world is better.

In this world there are slaves

and we kill each other for money

and we've made weapons that could murder us all.

Your world doesn't have bullets

Your world doesn't have hate

Your world doesn't need forced labor to get to the diamonds.

Your world is better.

Elliot, prince of kaleidoscopes,

little shaman of the vortex,

you don't need this world.

But this world needs you.

Love,

Chet.

Settling In

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 09:46:21 -0800

Rick and I spent the whole day (except for a quick trip to the beach, it was 83 degrees), doing a clean sweep of the playroom. One of the things that we learned is that we were taking responsibility of Elliot’s happiness instead of teaching him that that is his responsibility. For example, we had everything he could possibly want in the playroom so we could give him anything he asked for. This was leaving him no room to learn that when we doesn't get want he wants he can still be happy – a lesson for all of us! In addition, it left us no room for creativity and imagination in offering alternatives, making us the most exciting thing in the room. So... yesterday Rick and I pulled everything out of the room, rearranged the shelves, built cubbies and put back only the things that will enhance the playroom experience. OF COURSE, this morning he tested me... first he asked for his Thomas Umbrella and when I said it wasn’t in here but we could use the drum sticks and pretend, he got louder and asked again. Then I explained again that we didn’t have it but I could bring it later and we could play a weather game. Then he said, “I want pirate ship” – maybe testing to see if this new rule applied to everything or just the Thomas Umbrella; I jumped up and got him a book with a pirate ship. He then went to the door and said “ open, open”.... I ran to the shelves, grabbed some paper and a pen, drew and door and got out scissors to cut the door so we could open it. He grabbed the pen and started cutting himself. The testing was over.

The coolest part is that I truly had no anxiety, which I would have before adopting my new belief. Instead I was excited and was feeling/thinking “how cool is this that I got to teach him that he can be happy even if he doesn’t get want he wants?!” (As well as still being able to respond to his language without having everything he asks for accessible.) It took me 42 years to learn the happiness is a choice lesson and I would have NEVER learned it if it wasn’t for my dear, Elliot! How cool that we get to return the favor and teach it to him at age 7 - 8 on Thursday :) This new belief/perspective has also changed the way I interact with Elliot outside the playroom and it has been truly remarkable. The way he responds and the way I feel is so much more calm and joyful – I feel that I am respecting him and myself ten fold – I just love it!

I will continue to blog and share all the great things we learned last week - our new beliefs are transforming our life in such an impactful way – I want to share them with everyone!

Returning Home

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:22:12 -0800

Well, tomorrow we are heading home to sunny California. Sorry I didn’t blog about Day 2, 3 & 4. There has been so much to learn and take in and Elliot hasn’t slept well so my brain just couldn’t do it. However, let me summarize the week with an alarming statement... sit down... are you ready?... here it comes..... WE ARE RETURNING WITH THE ENTIRE CASE OF MODEL MAGIC THAT WE SHIPPED HERE FOR USE THIS WEEK! I know, you are shocked and surprised - so are we. And that is just a snippet of the week. Here are the highlights...
At the beginning of the week they decided to NOT work on language, to just give Elliot space to use his own voice. AND HE HAS. Here are some examples: “I’d like a piece of tape”, “I’m so happy”, I want to make smoke”, “Reach up me” and “Where are Mom and Dad?”.
One of the Child Facilitators is also an Occupational Therapist and she discovered that Elliot needs tons of vestibular and proprioceptive feedback and introduced lots of activities that include those things as well as a vibration pillow that Elliot loves. You can’t believe what a big difference it has made. Elliot is much more focused and calm and able to participate with us! AND he has not laid on the floor all tensed up since Tuesday! THANKS, RITA!!
Elliot is participating in games!! He and Katrina had a 30 minute interaction making a big train track for Thomas out of paper and tape. How do you do it? You just clearly define his role in the game and make sure he knows what the pay-off is, and as long as the pay-off is based on one of his motivations...he’s game!
We made a very helpful discovery this week, thanks to the Son-Rise team. Once Elliot is engaged in an interaction, he may walk away and give no additional green lights BUT he is still with us. SO... we can try to keep the interaction going with a direct physical request to come back. A special thanks to Julie for her help with this discovery!!!

A SPECIAL THANKS TO THE ENTIRE SON-RISE TEAM FOR THEIR LOVE, PASSION, ENTHUSIASM AND GUIDANCE, WE ARE SO GRATEFUL AND APPRECIATIVE!!!!

Don’t miss the photo album entitled INTENSIVE on the pics page.

Day 1 & 2

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 14:35:45 -0800

Hello, All. We are having a fantastic time - it’s all that we were hoping for! Day 1 was great! We watched a few different facilitators works with Elliot and learned a ton, we all four got to work with Elliot and get feedback. I learned to not request so much, we also covered building techniques. We had a studentship class where I learned that I had never defined what a good Mom is to me - so I did! Rick and I also worked on yelling when we are angry - what you say... “laura you yell?” - ha! (I will let Kirstyn share her teachings and lessons personally -it doesn’t feel right to display here laundry here.) Elliot is so very happy and thank goodness, he acclimated to the time change so he was ready to go at 9am :) Rick and I got to go out to a very lovely dinner with my friend Kathy and her husband, Dave. We had great conversation and food, it was so fun to talk all about Son-Rise with another Son-Rise family! They invited Kirstyn to come to their team meeting Wednesday night, so that should be a great experience for Kirstyn.

Day 2 was absolutely so exciting - Elliot is changing before our eyes. He is so happy and reminds me of a flower just waiting to blossom, after all he must choose just the right moment. In my session today he wanted to look out the window to see the “spooky forest”. The window opens from the top so to see out is up high. I pulled the stool over and lifted him up to see it. Then he wanted it again but I couldn’t understand what he was saying so I said “what?” and waited.... then he said his very own unique sentence, “Raise up me”. so, of course I did and celebrated him widely. We had emotional beliefs breakthroughs and amazing playroom lessons. We are learning to use themes to encourage interactive attention span. We learned that if you request language from Elliot right off the bat, he’s not interested but if you work on the connection and request a physical thing first he will participate and therefore you can take it further. Oh, it’s my turn to practice what I learned today - got to go play! Love to all for reading about and sharing in our very special journey!!!