Snowblog

What do we do when...

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 16:40:03 +0100

As we are testing these pilots with Reckoning, the things that wake me up at 5 in the morning or my restless thoughts before I fall asleep usually surround that question, “What do we do when...... the kids aren’t listening? ... there are not enough supplies? ... the staff isn’t clear on the directions?... we don’t get all the grant funding we were hoping to get? ... they don’t like it?

It is good to troubleshoot problems and make things better. But what I tend to do is turn this seemingly innocent activity into a mental war where I am the attacker as well as the victim. I start obsessing about how much I suck, I can’t do anything right and why am I even trying....

Next, due to getting some sleep, or seeing that it is a new day, or Naos talks some sense into me, I begin to embrace the journey I am on, the journey of Reckoning, the faithfulness of God, the things we are learning and our willingness to take risks. I also realize that I really like my life. I am passionate about this work, I believe in the mission of Reckoning and am willing to do whatever it takes to see this happen, to see transformational change in these communities, to see leaders better equipt for mission.

Letting go of the desire for things to be flawless, and seeing it all as a journey, a learning process, is a constant challenge for me. We in Reckoning strive for excellence, do our best, get the resourcing we need and seek to make it better at the same time, realize we need to adapt, grow and change constantly.

children measuring time

Sun, 1 Nov 2009 20:44:52 +0100

Shea is turning 7 on 8 November. I really can’t believe that is was seven years ago that she was born. It also marks the year that Dan died as Shea was four months old when he died. Seven years ago we lived in California, in a rented house, kids going to school in Newbury Park, and rebuilding our shattered lives. Today, we watched a DVD I put together of the road trip we took a week after the memorial service. Ben and Sarah, and the kids and I ventured out in a huge van for six weeks and drove through 22 states. It was quite a trip...seven years ago.

Seven years ago I had no idea that in a short while we would be moving to a foreign country. Seven years ago I doubted whether or not I would ever venture out of my darkness or if I even could. Seven years ago I wondered how God and I would be able to rebuild a relationship that made sense to me. Seven years ago I was overweight, unhappy and wondered how I was going to make it. Seven years ago my kids were needing a safe, stable home and a thriving mother.

Today, they have a thriving mother, happy and no longer overweight - yahoo! Today, God and I have a rich connection and in a way that makes sense to me and my kids. We are speaking 2 languages in our house now - our stable and safe home. Today, I am married to a wonderful man who loves me and the kids. Today, God has given me so many reasons to live and enjoy life. I have vision, I have purpose, I have a contribution to make in this world and a growing capacity to give.

There is still much to learn. The darkness still looms in the corners of my consciousness. I have a lot to learn about faith and trust at least now I have sufficient life experience that I can draw on concerning the faithfulness of God. I still wonder how we are going to make it - I don’t have everything figured out, at times I am certain I have very little figured out - the plight of humanity. All in all, in this month of Thanksgiving I have so much to be grateful for, I really do.

Tomorrow will come with challenges and crisis. Tomorrow will come with troubles and joys. Tomorrow will come with injustices and victories. Tomorrow will come and each of these will test and shape me and my family to be closer to our truer selves. God has our best in mind and I can rest in that.

Reflections of 15 days abroad

Tue, 8 Sep 2009 15:51:14 +0200

I don’t know about you, but most of my adult life in ministry I have been working mostly alongside others roughly my age or younger. It was rare if there were folks more than 8 years older than me working on any team or staff. I thought that this was a sign that the initiative, or the work was “hip” or “fresh” or culturally relevant. I believe that the various things I have been a part of over the years were good things to do, but I often desired to have an older voice that could speak into my life. A voice that had the years of experience that I did not have. There is just a wisdom that comes with age.

Well, if you have followed the journey of Reckoning, you would know that I have a soul friend, Christine Wood, who has been that voice for me for almost two years and has joined me in Reckoning, shortly after that, Lynne Farrow joined who added even more wisdom and experience. The 3 of us together have over 85 years of experience. ( I of course contributed the least as I am clearly the youngster in the group). If that wasn’t enough, Floor Vogelaar, our spiritual Father in Amsterdam would easily be adding my whole lifetime to years of experience.

I can not tell you how great it is to work with them. They are stable, ‘over themselves’ and by that I mean they have nothing to prove - they are past the mid-life crisis. They are simply wonderful, spirit-filled, hard working, committed folks who have a vision for a better future and provide so much wisdom, experience, connections, faith and love that I can not imagine doing Reckoning without them. In fact, I am quite honored that they consider Reckoning a work to invest in substantially with the remaining years of their lives.

The Celtic Way

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:42:21 +0200

Have you ever prayed for something for so long, you forget how many times you have asked, how long you have prayed, even to the point of wondering if it will ever happen? Then, seemingly out of the blue, it happens!

This was my experience over the summer. We had Roy Searle, one of the founders of the NorthUmbria Community in England. Earlier in the year we have Andy Raines and his wife over, another founder. The reason why this is so magical is that I have been praying since 2006 to somehow be connected to this Celtic Spiritual community. I read the Celtic Daily prayer with the kids each morning and have come to resonate so deeply with the Rule of Life they live by. A rule of life is basically a reminder of the way you choose to live your life usually developed in monastic lifestyles. You can read more about this on their website: www.northumbriacommunity.org.

Here is their Rule of Life and see if it resonates with you:

This is the Rule we embrace. This is the Rule we will keep: we say YES to AVAILABILITY; we say YES to VULNERABILITY.
We are called to be AVAILABLE to God and to others:
Firstly to be available to God in the cell of our own heart when we can be turned towards Him, and seek His face; then to be available to others in a call to exercise hospitality, recognising that in welcoming others we honour and welcome the Christ Himself; then to be available to others through participation in His care and concern for them, by praying and interceding for their situations in the power of the Holy Spirit; then to be available for participation in mission of various kinds according to the calling and initiatives of the Spirit.
We are called to intentional, deliberate VULNERABILITY:
We embrace the vulnerability of being teachable expressed in: a discipline of prayer; in exposure to Scripture; a willingness to be accountable to others in ordering our ways and our heart in order to effect change.  We embrace the responsibility of taking the heretical imperative: by speaking out when necessary or asking awkward questions that will often upset the status quo; by making relationships the priority, and not reputation.  We embrace the challenge to live as church without walls, living openly amongst unbelievers and other believers in a way that the life of God in ours can be seen, challenged or questioned. This will involve us building friendships outside our Christian ghettos or club-mentality, not with ulterior evangelistic motives, but because we genuinely care.
So how does this relate to answered prayer? Well, they have asked if we would like to join and be companions. We have been asked to come over to England in October and talk about how our house can be an ‘Other House’. Now this exceeds what I was asking. I simply wanted to be connected and now we are talking about being a hub for them in Amsterdam. Sweet!!

My plea for the city

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:24:48 +0200

Every morning the kids and i read through the Celtic Daily Prayer book put out by the North Umbrian Community in England. We have had the pleasure of having the creators of this book stay in our home.

The month of July, the readings are taken from a book, The City without a Church by Henry Drummond.

This is today’s reading:

Psalm 106:3
You're one happy man when you do what's right,
one happy woman when you form the habit of justice.

Isaiah 1:17
Work for justice.   Help the down-and-out. Stand up for the homeless.   Go to bat for the defenseless.
Matthew 13:33-34
Another story. "God's kingdom is like yeast that a woman works into the dough for dozens of loaves of barley bread—and waits while the dough rises. All Jesus did that day was tell stories—a long storytelling afternoon.

“My plea is for the city. But I plead for good men, because good men are good leaven. If their goodness stop short of that, if the leaven does not mix with that which is unleavened, if it does not do the work of the leaven - that is, to raise something - it is not the leaven of Christ. The question for good people to ask themselves is: “Is my goodness helping others? Is it a private luxury, or is it telling upon the city? Is it bringing any single human soul nearer happiness or righteousness?”

For me, living in an urban city, this has become my plea, the birthplace of Reckoning, the motivation that gets me up in the morning, the vision of bringing God’s goodness to people. I have a personal responsibility to learn the habit of justice, to do good, not for myself, but for the sake of others. Is what I am doing practically changing others for their good?

I hope to be able to share with you personally how Reckoning is a movement of goodness in Amsterdam and soon in Oxnard. Please make sure you email me and let me know if you would like a one-on-one appointment or a small group appointment. I have also designed three presentations in story format of Reckoning, one seen through the lens of creativity, culture or charity. Which sounds intriguing to you?