February 2, 2009 - May 31, 2009

Tiny Angel rest your wings

sit with me for awhile.

How I long to hold your hand,

And see your tender smile.

Tiny Angel, look at me,

I want this image clear....

That I will forget your precious face

Is my biggest fear.

Tiny Angel can you tell me,

Why you have gone away?

You weren't here for very long....

Why is it, you couldn't stay?

Tiny Angel shook his head,

"These things I do not know....

But I do know that you love me,

And that I love you so".

Author Unknown

4/20/10- As the one year anniversary of Olivia’s passing looms near, I find myself thinking of her often.  I’ve been praying that I don’t go into labor on May 31st (when her heart beat for the last time) or June 3rd (when I had to deliver her).

I have been using Olivia in my relaxation imagery for my hypnobirthing.  I picture us meeting in heaven.  Olivia is about 5 years old and is utterly beautiful.  She looks just like Roarke but with a redder shade of hair and her eyes are just a bit more hazel.  I hold her tightly as she laughs and tells me how much she loves me.  It brings tears of joy to my eyes to visualize Olivia in this way.  I know she is watching over Alex and will forever be his or her guardian angel.

6/3/10- Today is the one year anniversary of when we had to say good-bye to Olivia forever.  It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through in my life.  Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a child.  It doesn’t seem natural for them to go before you.  She was the most beautiful little girl in the world to me and I will always cherish the moments I spent holding Olivia in my arms.

It’s hard to believe a year later we are expecting another baby.  I never thought we would be able to get to this point.  I grieve for Olivia but her passing made it possible for Alex to come into our lives.  And I will be forever grateful to Olivia for that.

We released balloons today with little messages to Olivia.  I wasn’t as emotional as I thought I would be.  We also got her tree planted in a bigger pot so that it may continue to grow as she would have.

Oliva, we love and miss you very much.  You have changed our lives forever.  Know that I carried you in love.

10/21/10- It has been one year since Olivia’s estimated due date.  We would be celebrating her 1st birthday but instead we are left with questions of why and a feeling of longing.

We miss you dearly baby girl and wish that you could be here with us and your brothers.  You are forever engrained in our hearts.

6/3/11- 2nd anniversary since Olivia left us to go to heaven.  I miss my angel.  My heart will always have a space for your memory.  Your time with us here on earth was short but you are forever with us.