The Road to Bankruptcy

OK... so I’ve gotten a bit lazy lately....

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 13:06:20 -0500

Needless to say, a lot has happened since my last post. Streets have been paved, footers have been poured, basement walls have been erected, and Michael Phelp’s agent has called wondering when the pool will be finished. I should mention that I’ve taken a small freelance job with a couple of guys that used to go to Meramec to help pay the bills...... They are working on a puppet show for Delta Dental, and.... well, just go to the links below and you can see what they are up to....

I guess I’ll just throw a photo montage together and let it fill you all in.... Enjoy!

Just click on pict below!!!!

Karmic alignment, Thompson style....

Thu, 7 Aug 2008 23:18:07 -0500

I’m convinced I did something terribly wrong in a past life....

It’s important that you remember that Amy and I are constantly challenged by the Cosmos, either as a method of spiritual improvement... or just to insure that we are completely driven out of our minds by the time we exit this planet.

Remember that sign that I showed you on my last entry? Well, for the past couple of weeks nothing has happened in the way of road construction in our part of this fair city. I began to think, “Hey, maybe they are just going to wait until after we’ve got our start... Maybe someone somewhere actually listened to us and took pity on our situation, deciding to delay any road resurfacing until after we got the majority of the heavy stuff thru. Or, maybe they’ve decided to start somewhere else to give us time to at least give us a chance to begin the actual build without working around a resurfacing crew....This might not be so bad after all...”

Let’s just add these statements to a our “Back to Bite You in the Ass” list... here’s a few more just to get you up to speed...:

“Oh, no, that crack has been sealed. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this foundation.”

“There’s a very slim chance your house may have radon.... no one else in this area does.”

“Ming Cho Lee is just going to love you!” (Let’s just say that he didn’t....)

“Just relax, this won’t hurt at all. You might just feel a little pressure.” (I really don’t want to go into detail about this one... I’ll leave it by saying it came from a doctor who hopefully doesn’t discuss his profession at the dinner table...)

...and, my personal favorite.....

“I can definitely get you pregnant.”

So, anyhow, I guess I don’t need to go to far into how at the exact same day we are widening the hole to prepare for the foundation, an armada of street stripping equipment showed up prepared to give our street the asphalt equivalent of Lingchi.

...always a delight to see this at the entrance to your street...

So, anyhow, they are stripping and we are digging. I’m placing the images from the dig on a separate page, so just click on the image below to get there..... it really is hard to describe how big this hole exactly is.... Let’s just say that it’s not big enough to contain a politician’s ego, but it might hold the entirety of my kids’ toy collection.... maybe.

Enjoy the hugeness!!!

No problem... a bulldozer can make its own alternate route....

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 13:26:02 -0500

Oh, the frustration of it all.....

This sign is really a window into my own stupidity. When I first saw them popping up last week, I thought “Oh, how nice..... the city is actually letting people know that construction will be going on here on Craig Drive, and they should find a different 7-11 to go to....”

Let’s just say I was a little horrified to find out that the city had actually planned to resurface the streets at the same time we were looking to begin construction on our little McMansion. Needless to say, nobody told us this was in the plans, and nobody really seems to care..... until the newly paved Craig Drive meets up with several tons of concrete trucks and backhoes. Needless to say, our contractor was thrilled.... Amy was thrilled.... I was thrilled....

Dillon passed out:

Collin went into a zen state:

And Claire and Noah’s reaction landed them in a minimum level security compound:

We can only visit them on Mondays and Thursdays.... but they will be making and appearance on MSNBC’s new show, Lockup Extreme- The Uncensored Children of Steel. I guess that’s good, because MCNBC doesn’t really do news anymore....

I’ll write more after I’ve had some of my brane tonic.....

Houston, we have a Hole....

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:25:28 -0500

So, anyhow, we’ve at least gotten this far, despite the doubting, debt, and mental deterioration. I think that Amy has pretty much lost her mind, because lately she’s been drawing facial hair on the kids and claiming that they are lost French Legionnaires, and sends them wondering on the streets in search of baguettes:

(You can see her lurking in the background, pen in hand, enFrenchasizing yet another weeping child and sending them out wondering what the hell a baguette is.....)

All of this is understandable, the stress has been immense. Just as soon as you think that you have everything under control, something pops up, delaying the process of hole making for several more days, or creating a situation that only more money can solve. When the machine that is crushing your house breaks down, it’s not like you are going to get your buddies together to fix it for the cost of a couple of six-packs. Booze also doesn’t seem to satiate the never ending line of local officials that have their hand out looking for a monetary cap to some line item..... “Page 236, Line 42 states that you owe me $5000. Either that, or you can consider yourself the proud owner of a hole....”

Everyone else I have ever run into that is openly asking me for money is usually satisfied with a bottle of something to take the edge off... at the rate we are going, I’m going to have to join their ranks sooner than I thought.

Anyhow, the machine got going again.... the local officials are getting their cut and the paperwork is laying on someone’s desk who will more than likely let it stay there until it grows mushrooms. At that point, I’ll continue with this little missive.

Until then, here’s something wet and wild:

Oh, Sob... Oh, Cry.....

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:31:18 -0500

See this tree?

Except for the stump, it now no longer exists.

Now, why, in an age where the environment is high on the national list of concerns, and rapid deforestation is endangering our very existence, would we cut down one of nature’s miraculous creations?

It’s a good question, and I have a simple answer:
This particular tree was a sweetgum tree.... the most dangerous plant in modern suburbia.

Why this thing isn’t considered a noxious weed is beyond me. Apparently, the sole reason it exists is to try to eliminate the human menace. We were told by our arborist that it’s the only tree on our lot that capable of surviving the demolition and construction of our future home, so, in other words, it’s unkillable.... like that damn monster in the movie Alien. It constantly dumps crap on the ground: limbs, leaves, sticks, Bird Flu victims..... anything to try to hobble those of us that are bipedal to make more room for its own kind....

But here is the real problem:

For those of you that do not believe in the evolutionary process, here is undeniable proof. It’s a well known fact that these “sweetgum balls” did not exist until the advent of the gas-powered lawnmower. Somehow, this species of tree knew that, in order to make a serious dent in the human population, it had to come up with something that was a bit more devious than just falling over periodically on a single home or person. So, it produced a weapon. Some will call it a “seed”, but what kind of seed looks like its meant to be embedded into someone’s skull? And if you have ever hit one with your lawnmower, you know what I mean. The worst part of these “seeds” is, when placed on the ground in large numbers, they are either impossible to pick up by any mortal means, or, if you are foolish enough to try to mow over them thinking they’ll break up and decompose, you will find that this particular tree is already one step ahead of you. Once the mower hits the pile, you will essentially create either a simple but effective machine gun, or a natural cluster bomb. The explosive aftermath will shred anyone within a 25’ radius to small, mulch-like pieces. I know this from the tragic loss of our little known but much “beloved” family dog, Lil’ Pudd’nTater.

This is either a picture of Lil’ Pudd’nTater, or a candid shot of me after the doctor told me we were having quadruplets.

(Let’s just say that Lil’ Pudd’nTater made a better fertilizer than he did a pet.... But that’s just my opinion.)

Anyhow, to make a long story short, I hated that gumball tree, and am glad to see its end. No longer will its accursed branches reach to the sky like a drunken Ent cursing his woody god.... nor will its never-ending arsenal of spiny death be launched violently towards unsuspecting mammalian passersby, creating a quivering mass of wet, howling compost....

Good riddance to bad firewood, IMHO.

.....oh, and we’ve made room for our new driveway.

Here’s a link to more pictures: