It was a special Saturday as the Atlanta Beat joined a small mass of people for its first-ever team appearance - the “Race to Empower a Bold Community” 5k run. I’m not sure what that means, but as a new member of the community, I’d like to commend my own boldness to attempt empowerment - that is, actually surviving a 5k.

I’ve never participated in any sort of run like this but, I must admit, I actually had a really good time. It was nice meeting and mingling with the members of the community, running for a cause and, of course, tripping 12-year old girls so I could pass them. As I kicked them while they were down and tears welled up in their eyes, I embraced the moment. It felt good to be a real leader and role model to those girls.

Now, of course I didn’t actually trip anyone. I mean, I couldn’t catch them. After all, it was me who crossed the finish line to the sound of a friend screaming, “You got under 30 minutes? You got under 30 minutes!” Yeah, then all my fans tackled me with a sea of of hugs and, as they fed me grapes and fanned me with grape leaves, we talked of how we would solve the world’s problems. Oh, wait. Wait. No. As I stood up, I realized that was what happened during my running-induced hallucination from nearly passing out at the race’s end. The real story is: by the time I was done, everyone else had showered, changed, gone to lunch and taken a nap.

The good news is I actually wasn’t last to finish and, as a matter of fact, I came in well before the person who was - he was 65 years old (and I tripped him too around the first mile mark). The better news is the entire morning is definitely an award-filled story ... at least for McCall Zerboni. And the story is definitely worth telling.

We’ll start with the race itself. Who won the entire race, you ask? Drumroll please ... Robbie, of course. Are you even slightly surprised? Our own Mami Yamaguchi placed third overall for the women, which is fantastic. And, there were a handful of medals given to members of the team for placing within their age group. My personal favorite, however, goes to McCall Zerboni, who placed first among all of the 35-39 year olds ... McCall is 23. Because she seriously thought her timecard belonged in the box that said “35-39,” she was awarded a very phony first place. With that, she also just unofficially earned the rights to the biggest idiot award for the day. Congratulations, friend. :)

After the race commenced, timecards were turned in and some of the girls returned from hiding from Robbie by sneaking around the building to eat Chick-fil-A sandwiches, we spent a lot of time meeting new faces, signing autographs and finding our place in photographs with people there. The award for most ridiculous photo opportunity also goes to McCall Zerboni:

One individual requested the team get in a picture with his dog. Given that the 1-mile dog race was a part of the morning festivities, pictures with pooches were completely normal. So everyone happily accepted. However, please understand, this was not just some dog. This was a DOG. The easily 200-pound great dane with a head as big as the empire state building had to be over 6 feet tall when standing on his hind legs. So, why wouldn’t you try to ride him during the group photo? That seemed like a perfectly valid question in McCall’s mind. So, as she threw herself onto the back of monster dog, her mid-morning dog rape left dear old Fido a bit squeamish. As he reached the point of complete puppy panic, he stampeded away from McCall and left the feet of Shelley Thompson - our german player - and myself in a warm pool of flowing wetness. After thinking we just got caught in the middle of a monsoon of dog piss, Shelley and I squeal like little school girls and take off high stepping like Terrell Owens on a touchdown run. In the end, it was only spilled Starbucks raining on our feet and McCall didn’t get arrested for doggy assault. Things calmed and that picture actually ended up being a really cute one.

So, it seems we all survived the 5k run and brought home a lot of laughs. Next year I’d like to see McCall place in her own age group (love you McCall). As for me, I think I’d showcase better in the 1 mile dog run. I mean, there was a 6-foot great dane to pace me. And, well, the truth is, anyone/thing/dog that showers me with coffee (coffee is my largest love in life) for any reason will forever have my heart. Even I’ll run for that.