I love hamburgers !  I believe that hamburgers are like sex.  When its good, its great.  When its bad, its still pretty good.  Yes, hamburgers are a good thing.  They have made me the man I am today - overweight and happy.

What’s not to love about hamburgers, after all.  Chopped beef cooked and sandwiched in bread with the toppings of my choice.  If you don’t eat meat, then there are the veggie burgers.  I LOVE THEM AS WELL !  They are hamburgers to me.

What makes it a hamburger ?  The bun is what makes it a hamburger.  Sure, I have had those hamburger wannabees made on various other breads.  They are delicious, and some even say more “authentic” than the bun.  No matter to me, however.  A hamburger MUST be served on a Hamburger Bun.  Don’t even try to change my mind.

But what is a hamburger bun, you ask?  As if I need to tell you.  You know darn well what a hamburger bun is.  It is soft, fluffy, wider than it is tall, and ever so slightly on the sweet side.  It can be covered with seeds (my favorite) or onions, or just about anything else you like.  In fact, it is somewhat easier to tell if something is not a hamburger bun (like a bagel, French bread, or an English muffin) than describe what it is.

I am, as is my wont, reminded of a story. 

It was back in the 1980’s, at ‘Tween Waters Resort on Captiva Island, Florida.  I was the baker there, and it is where I first made hamburger buns.  We called them Kaiser Rolls, but they were actually hamburger buns made to look like Kaiser Rolls.  Ask me about the difference another time.

But I digress in my digression !  This story is not about Kaiser Rolls or hamburger buns.  It is about the time the Six Million Dollar Man showed me a picture of his wife naked.  This story is much more interesting than any bread semantic discussions.

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Yes, Lee Majors showed me a picture of his naked wife.  I didn’t even ask to see it.  Well, actually I did ask to see a picture of his wife.  He CHOSE to show me a picture of her naked.  It was no big deal, really.  Millions of zit faced teens and sexually curious men (and women) all over the world had already seen her naked.  She was, after all, former Playboy Playmate Of The Month for December 1984, Karen Valez.  I just never expected Lee Majors to show me his pocket centerfold shot of his wife.

He was at ‘Tween Waters for a celebrity fishing tournament.  I was having a drink in the bar after a particularly busy day (making hamburger buns, no doubt).  The employees at ‘Tween Waters were allowed to mingle with the guests.  It was actually somewhat encouraged.  I did not usually drink at the bar after my shift, because I was usually done before lunch, and I was not partial to pre-lunch cocktails.  But on this day, I wanted to meet Lee Majors.  He was THE primetime TV hero of my youth, and he was out there pounding down some early morning booze, from what I was told.

So there I was, at the bar with Lee.  Mayor Tom, the old rich drunk guy was there.  He was always there.  He wasn’t really the mayor, we just called him that.  There were some other regulars there, and there was Lee Majors, having a good time.  I inched my way over and said hello.  He was warm and friendly, and having a hard time with his s’s.  I am not sure how, but the subject of his wife came up, and then he produced the picture.

“Wow !  Nice shot.”  I said. I was more than a bit taken aback, but pleased with Lee’s choice of family snapshots.  I wondered if she was okay with this.

“Let me see.” said Mayor Tom, who was on his eleventeenth martini. 

The look on Mayor Tom’s face was priceless.

Anyway, it was here I learned the secret to making rolls look like hamburger buns.  The secret is coming up.  Read on.

Okay, lets start with a good hamburger bun dough recipe.  To make about 18 hamburger buns, or 8 hamburger buns and 18 “slider” buns, you will need the following:

Hamburger Bun Dough

½ oz. (or 1 Tablespoon)  Active Dry Yeast

6 cups (or 40 ozs.)  All-Purpose Flour

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4 each  Eggs plus enough water to make 2 1/3 cups total liquid

2 ozs.  Melted Butter

2 ozs.  Honey

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1 Tablespoon (½ oz.)  Salt

Dry mix the Yeast and Flour.  Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to proof yeast in water before making a dough with it.  If you think your yeast might be bad, it is a good idea to proof it, but I can tell by the aroma of the yeast.  You will be able to if you make lots of bread as well.   Blend in the liquid ingredients in the second stage and knead to a smooth dough (about 7 minutes in a mixer with a dough hook).  Blend in the salt and knead until smooth and elastic.  Cover this and let it rise in the refrigerator until doubled in bulk. 

This was not the recipe we used at ‘Tween Waters.  This came from Sammy’s In The Flats in Cleveland, Ohio.  It was good, but the first time the Pastry Chef/Baker made them, they looked like balls, and were not hamburger buns at all.  The recipe, however, was one I liked, and I made it into real hamburger buns.  Here is how you do it:

Divide the chilled and risen dough into 3 oz. balls.  Roll them into balls by rolling the dough pieces on your counter.  I like to pinch one of these from the bottom and dip the top in water, then a bowl of mixed seeds.  Put them on a sheetpan lined with some parchment paper, or very lightly greased.  They should look like this:

Cover these lightly with plastic wrap, and let them rise until doubled in size (about 30 minutes at room temperature). 

Now is where we learn how to make them look like hamburger buns !  After they have risen, take another sheetpan and gently smash these dough balls flat, like pancakes.  They should look like this:

Let them rise until doubled in height again and bake them in a 350 to 375 degree Fahrenheit oven for about 20 minutes.  They should come out looking like the picture at the top of this page.

If you want to make “slider” rolls, for mini burgers, then just weigh them out at 2 ozs. each, and do not smash them.  I put 18 on a pan.  Bake these at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for about 15 to 20 minutes.  They should look like this:

Note that I do not call these hamburger buns.  They are, however, delicious.

I also have an alternative recipe for Hamburger Buns using my Milk ‘N Honey rolls formula.  It makes a slightly softer and richer bun.  Try it as well.  The technique is essentially the same.

Most importantly, make yourself a big, fat, juicy burger.  Life is too short to eat rabbit food all the time.

Enjoy in good health !

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