...Damned, Dirty Ape

New and Arguably Improved

Sun, 7 Jun 2009 14:45:17 -0400

To celebrate and exploit the upcoming movie of "I Love You, Beth Cooper," the author has added 16 additional pages of hilarious stuff he should have thought of the first time through, as well as 16 pages of comics by the always cool Evan Dorkin. Buy it here.

Now in Handy Poster Form

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:48:10 -0400

(From Fox Atomic's upcoming movie of "I Love You, Beth Cooper," directed by Chris Columbus and opening July 10.)

The Word Made Flesh

Thu, 9 Apr 2009 09:51:47 -0400

“I am so hot,” she said.
Right there, inches from Denis, Beth did this: She bent over and lifted her gown over her head. She was not naked underneath, as Denis imagined, but somehow even better, she wore tight cut-off jeans and a sweat-soaked belly shirt. The shirt pulled up with the gown, revealing the underside of a lacey, clean, perfect and pink brassiere.
It was the first time Denis had ever seen a brassiere, live, on a girl.
“Yes. I, too, am hot,” said Denis.

(Still from Fox Atomic's upcoming movie of "I Love You, Beth Cooper," directed by Chris Columbus and opening July 10.)

One Picture, 280 Words

Thu, 9 Apr 2009 09:32:14 -0400

“So . . . why me?”
    Denis had never considered this question, putting it on a very short list of unquestioned aspects of his universe. Beth Cooper was an axiom, an irreducible truth, like the sky being blue (though the latter is a more complex phenomenon, involving the differential scat tering of electromagnetic radiation by particles with dimensions smaller than the wavelength of the radiation, as Denis exhaustively lectured Mrs. Anclade in the third grade). The choice of Beth Cooper was simple, and pure, and for Denis’s purposes here, completely inexplicable.
    “You?” he said after much too long a pause.
    “Why not Claudia Confer? She’s prettier than me, and a lot nicer.”
    “I don’t think she’s . . .” Denis began compiling a Beth Cooper vs. Claudia Confer Benchmark Comparison, but lacking sufficient data, he said the only thing that came to mind.
    “I didn’t sit behind Claudia Confer.”
    Beth laughed, dribbling beer onto her chin. She wiped it off and licked her fingers. Denis decided that if reincarnation was real, through some heretofore undiscovered nonquantum mechanism, he would like to come back as one or more of Beth Cooper’s fingers.
    “You never even talked to me,” Beth said.
    “You didn’t seem too interested.” He stated a truth he had successfully repressed until now. “I’m surprised you even know who I am.”
     “I know who you are!”
    Beth had two distinct memories of Denis Cooverman:
    Denis, at a blackboard, finishing an equation. He turns around, his fly open, stars on his underpants;
   and
     looking up Denis’s nose as he says, “I love you, Beth Cooper.”
   Beth took a long slurp of beer.
    “How could I not know Denis Cooverman?”

(Still from Fox Atomic's upcoming movie of "I Love You, Beth Cooper," directed by Chris Columbus and opening July 10.)

Hot Fresh Stills

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 11:22:43 -0400

I might go see this.

Beth Cooper Hits the Tubes

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 13:19:15 -0500

Watch it here.

Beth Cooper wins Cash Prize

Wed, 8 Oct 2008 17:13:20 -0400

“I Love You, Beth Cooper” has won the 2008 Thurber Prize for American Humor! Which means it must be good.

As an added humor bonus, this report includes yet another picture of me looking slightly dead.

Beth Cooper shortlisted!

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:46:39 -0400

For some mucketty-muck prize!

New Thing

Mon, 5 May 2008 09:49:12 -0400

In the New Yorker this week, with a minor interactive component.

Another Drug-Related Death

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 09:23:36 -0400

GENEVA (AP) — Albert Hofmann, the father of the mind-altering drug LSD whose medical discovery inspired — and arguably corrupted — millions in the 1960s hippie generation, has died. He was 102.