ELAN Essays

Pardon!

Mon, 8 Feb 2010 15:03:58 -0600

One word. It can serve so many purposes in many languages, cultures and countries.

Pardon? Excuse me? I didn’t quite understand. The word is a simple way to ask for clarification.

Pardon me! I am so sorry. The word expresses apologies for getting in someone’s way.

Pah-DOHNE. The word can mean so many things in Paris - coming through!, watch out, here I come or Oops! Forgive my American clumsiness and ignorance.

Perdón. The word serves us well in Mexico or Spain for the same purposes.

This same word is used in other countries even if French or English or Spanish is not among the spoken languages.

What a relief it is to be in a foreign land, unable to communicate but for this one word that expresses so much. Inflection and situation choose the meaning. Expression and demeanor communicate the sincerity of the request for forgiveness.

In our own language, a pardon is the action of forgiving or being forgiven for an error or offense. To pardon means to forgive or excuse, even one’s debts owed.

Beyond the politely and quietly spoken public apology, this word packs a powerful punch when taken for its true meaning.

What would it mean to pardon someone?

In The 22 (Non-Negotiable) Laws of Wellness, Greg Anderson chooses the Law of Forgiveness as the first Spiritual Law.

“But what is this thing called forgiveness? Really? Forgiveness is a quiet miracle. It is done alone. When we pardon, we give up our resentment toward a perceived offender in the silence of our heart and mind. No one can record our miracle on videotape. Our decision is private and invisible, a sincere whisper heard deep in our spirit.”

Every time I read the forgiveness chapter of this profound book I am brought to tears. Not only for the life-saving grace Anderson found when he chose to forgive, but for the reminder of deep and personal miracles in my own life when I have chosen to put ego and past hurts aside. That leap of blind faith that urged me to do two things: totally and completely forgive and forget those hurts and humbly ask for forgiveness even when my ego claimed the fault was not my own.

The risk is equal to that of jumping off a cliff having no idea what is over the edge. The reward is beyond the beauty of soaring through clear blue skies and landing gently on soft ground. The murkiness of regret is lifted and the chains of hurt are loosened.

Really, how can any of us live fully with hurt hanging around our neck or shame stuffed in our pockets?

Turn those pockets inside out. Shake loose the mistakes, failures and disappointing behaviors. As you expose them through the act of asking for forgiveness they become dust and disperse quickly on the gentle breeze.

Offer the hurt as a sacrifice in whatever way you see fit. Privately forgive the person who hurt you. Privately but completely and forever. Write down the hurt on a piece of paper and shred it or burn it. Pray for healing from the hurt. Let go and let God, but once you do, leave it there. If you are tempted to pick it back up remember that God is able to carry your burden easily. Celebrate that grace with thankful prayer.

This week, seek the power of pardon. Is there someone to forgive? Can you forgive yourself? Pardon? Yes, Pardon.

“It is in the pardoning that we are pardoned.” St. Francis of Assisi

“God will forgive me; it’s His trade.” Heinrich Heine

“Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.” Isaiah 55:7

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Gray Paree...

Mon, 1 Feb 2010 13:52:59 -0600

Home from an extensive European vacation, I am full of sights, memories and reflections.

We spent the last few days in Paris and although the weather was gray and co-o-o-old nothing can take away from the beauty to be found at every step. Like a kid in a candy store with too much money I have overdosed, but on eye candy.

The photo above is of the Louvre taken through the glass pyramid entrance. Take the scene in for just a moment. The juxtaposition of modern glass and steel in geometric patterns paired with the oh so typical Parisian architecture adorned to excess with friezes, dormers, statues and arches is amazing to me. Yet such interesting scenes are so common there. I am lucky I did not fall down a hole because my head was turned upward as we walked through the streets.

A funny thing happened on the way to the Mona Lisa. Beauty was found, as well as a renewed interest in art of all kinds, a rekindled love for Musée D’Orsay, a strengthened reverence for Rodin and a childlike giddiness mixed with a bit of vertigo while riding up the elevator of the Tour Eiffel (Janet, I thought of you threatening me last time when I suggested we all jump up and down as it ascended).

How did so much art end up in Paris? Did the governing body centuries ago make a decision that the City of Lights would be a cultural mecca? Did some one person of position and power commission great numbers of great works to be on permanent display there? Was there something in the “eau?”

In my limited world travels, no other city anywhere comes close. There is certainly no such city in the United States. Imagine what it would take today for a city to decide to become a center of art. Even if funds were available, could the balance of powers agree on type, location, scope, aesthetics, colors, artists, etc without getting hung up on whom it might offend, whom it might slight, whom it might insult or how it would be perceived? Yes, Paris has time on its side. Our country’s history is still so new, comparatively. Yes, our large cities offer a variety of public art and interesting architecture and yes, even some smaller cities commission works of art to add to their nondescript landscape. Yet, imagine walking down the main street of the city you live in. Are there symmetrical trees lined on either side, bowing gently over the road? Is every building adorned with art as well as craft? When you enter a building are you greeted with gilded scenes painted upon the ceiling? Buttressed arches rising and meeting above you and marching down the hall in repeating patterns? Is there public art resting proudly at each corner? Imagine passing the Eiffel Tower daily on your morning commute or looking northward on a foggy day and seeing Sacre Couer rise above the gray skies. Beauty, beauty everywhere you turn.

Art is hard to prioritize and even tougher to defend in lean economic times. “Money and art...are far apart,” said Langston Hughes. I am so thankful to those who have chosen art as a worthy cause, whether by commissioning, collecting or creating works. If you have access to any type of art, visit it often and allow yourself to wonder at the beauty of it, even beauty that can only be interpreted by the artist for they took a risk and changed their world.

Back to the Mona Lisa. If viewing this enigmatic work of DaVinci in person is on your bucket list, be sure to pay attention on your way. She is likely to let you down if you expect anything more than a smallish, somewhat dark and not particularly beautiful painting. She is cordoned off at the end of a large hall to contain and restrain the crowds. If you go in the dead of winter, there will be no crowds to contend with and you can spend hours gazing into her eyes if you wish. Make all the funny faces you want, she won’t smile back at you.

I caution you not to tarry too long in her hall. There is too much beauty elsewhere to be discovered, often hidden in a painting or bit of sculpture by an unknown artist, down a less traveled passage from one wing to another.

I forgot how much I love this city just for the free flowing energy of beauty, even on a gray winter day. If Paris is not on your bucket list, consider an addendum. May you visit it with someone you love and may you both fall in love with the beauty of creating art, in whatever form, while there.

Blogs to come - Je suis Americaine, Life is a Bazaar and Pardon?

“The function of art is to do more than tell it like it is -
it’s to imagine what is possible.” Bell Hooks

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
1 Peter 3: 3,4

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Welcome to the Twenties

Fri, 8 Jan 2010 09:08:10 -0600

Ah, youth...especially the highly worshipped and most mourned decade of life, the twenties.

Raise your hand if you wish you were twenty-something again. Now raise your hand if you wish you were younger but retained the knowledge, life experiences and wisdom you have gained these X number of years since you had that tightly wound spring of energy recoiling with every step. There would be no stopping that person.

I don’t know which decade you currently reside in, chances are it is well beyond the fantastic but fleeting twenties, but consider for a moment that you are not as far from that energetic youth as you might think. Recognize that your lifestyle choices have brought you to your current state, day by day, decision by decision.

In the book Younger Next Year, Dr. Henry Lodge and Chris Crowley call aging “rotting.” They claim that 80 percent of rotting can be prevented by practicing daily simple (not easy) choices such as exercising one hour a day for six days a week and of course, the dreaded eating and drinking the right stuff. Despite our love affair with the Fountain of Youth, the real magic is in the Fountain of Truth - look for a blog on that to come.

Part of that truth is the reality that no matter how crummy you feel today, how old and creaky and mind-befuddled you might think your chronological age has brought upon you, you can improve your physical and mental state, bit by bit and day by day. Attitude plays a huge part in your success (no surprise there).

Try this exercise for one day: do not, under any circumstances, complain about whatever injustices time has visited upon your personal existence. Not to yourself, not out loud, not to others and certainly not silently. Instead voice the many things that work and work well for you. To yourself, OUT LOUD, to others. That voice of gratitude will gradually replace the inner voice that quietly screams “It sucks to get old.”

This blog is really for all the able-bodied people who may not recognize just how able their bodies are.

I am constantly amazed at how the body works. I can travel from one level of the house to the other with all manner of things hanging from my shoulders, nested in the crook of my arms and even stuck behind my ear if I want. Add some pockets or shoulder bags and the only limit to what I can carry is my own strength (legs, arms, etc.) So my joints creak a little, but oh, they work so well! They are always there to do whatever I ask at any moment. I have to be thankful for that.

This week recognize the miracle of your life. Honor and value all the things that do work and work so well. Forget about the little annoyances that may or may not come with advancing decades. Recognize that decisions you make today impact the body you will be carrying around tomorrow, next year and beyond. It may not seem like it, but that is reason to celebrate.

Which brings me back to the original reason I chose the title for this blog.

I have heard discussions this week on what to call this decade. Yes, I know we are nine full years into this 21st Century, but it didn’t sound right to say “twenty oh nine.” Two thousand nine just flowed more easily off our tongues. But this decade will either be Two thousand ten or Twenty ten. Since American English can lean toward laziness, I’ll be the latter will win in the end (three syllables vs. four)

So welcome to the twenties! May this decade be one of health, joy, love, peace and prosperity for you and may you celebrate all this decade brings you with enthusiasm and gratitude.

“Love not what you are but what you may become.” Miguel De Cervantes 1547-1616

“I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging for bread.” Psalm 37:25

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Wake UP!

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 13:48:08 -0600

Get Up! Get out of bed and look up and all around.

Oh, how I wanted to stay in bed on the morning of Christmas Eve. It might have had something to do with our quest to find the best margarita along the river walk the night before (turns out the best ones are off the tourist worn cobble stones that line the San Antonio River). Or it may have been because it was a very chilly and windy Christmas Eve that found Steve and I miles away from home and continents away from our kids. But, oh, how I wanted to stay under the warm covers and block out all light and sound.

I almost did, even as I was being encouraged to get up, get dressed and grab my camera for a pre-dawn photo safari. Yes, I said pre-dawn. Despite the fact the clock reflected the midpoint of the single digit morning hours and I wondered at the wisdom of creeping down the steps from our hotel to the water-lined “paseo” I knew giving laziness over to adventure would reap higher rewards than yet another silly, albeit warm, dream.

I have a theory about married couples - the successful ones (whatever that means to you) are made up of two very different people, regardless of their sex, race or religion. The difference (as in viva la) resides more in opposites than female/male or venus/mars. To test this theory yourself, start asking couples you know - who is cold/hot natured? - who is the sports/arts fan? cat/dog person? nightowl/rooster worshipper?

So, with great pleasure, this nightowl did my best to grump and complain as we gasped at the first blast of frigid air leaving our hotel in an effort to equalize the level of discomfort between me and my get-up-before-the-crack-of-dawn and energetic hubby. He wisely ignored the string of icy comments forming icicles from my lips.

The river walk was more deserted than expected, save a lone dog walker and a few maintenance workers sweeping up the detritus from the raucous evening before, but the colored lights dripping from the trees created a sub-street world of wonder and beauty. The river was dead calm. Absent were the constant back and forth barges filled with tourists taking in the must-do activity while visiting the Alamo City.

BTW, the city drains the river in January, so if you feel inspired to visit this fun city, check their website: www.visitsanantonio.com.

We walked along, taking turns stopping to capture shots that differ as much as our yin/yang personalities and ended our trek at the world famous battle site that no one forgets (see photo below). Not a car, not a bird, not another person was there to drive, fly or step in front of our shot. We each took lots of pics from many angles, thinking that we might get better images when the black sky began to add a blue tint above the rock fortress.

So we retraced some of our steps to search out a cup o’ joe. A few minutes later, gloves wrapped around hot cardboard sleeves that warned us to be careful of the hot liquid contained in the cups (no, really?) we stood across the street and saw that as the sun came up, the lights went down and the revered Alamo was no longer bathed in warm yellow light. Suddenly, people were walking, stopping to set up tripods and begin the business of their day. A group of security guards seemed intent on guarding the perfect shot as they chatted, drank their own coffees and generally blocked the oft-sought shot.

Turns out, our earlier arrival was better timed for Alamo shots.

It becomes increasingly rare in this bulging and shrinking world, but such moments of solitude are where the beauty of our earth lies.

There are no dreams within my sleeping head that could compare to that. It would not have even existed in my reality had I stayed in bed.

Perhaps I will “Adopt a Policy” to choose adventure, select the option with the most options, value movement over stillness and say yes! when my spirit nudges me to do so over the protestations of my comfy body.

What are you missing by choosing comfort? If not because of a warm and cozy bed, what fear is keeping you from stepping out, getting up, going out and looking around? Complete safety and security is an illusion. Cozy comfort is temporary (try staying in the same position for too long) and can easily be recaptured.

Single moments of uninterrupted beauty are rare and should be celebrated when discovered, even sought out.

The photo above looks like my eyeballs felt as I first threw back the covers. It is a close up of a window display for a glass shop in a hotel lobby. The cone-shaped tree is made of glass bowls and bows that were lit from within the metal frame work. The fact that I witnessed it first with my eyes and second with my lens without crowds of tourists or holiday shoppers pushing past layers the beauty of the window with serenity and peace.

This week, we are speeding to the new year, a new decade. This time is often spent reflecting on the past and projecting into the unknown months ahead. Setting New Year’s Resolutions assumes we have 365 days of resolve. Why not Adopt a Policy instead? Doing so takes away the drudgery of revisiting the same decision day in and day out, with no end in sight. That is, until you Oops! slip up and thereby offer an excuse to give in and give up. Adopting a policy is just that - making a decision today that you can refer to again and again, especially in the midst of moments of weakness. Rather than spending energy arguing with yourself (should I or shouldn’t I?) the decision has been made - no wondering which way to turn because you have a policy in place. Momentum is maintained upward and onward.

As I’ve posted here before, the only New Year’s Resolution I have kept is to never make another New Year’s Resolution. I am proud to say I have succeeded on that one for more than a decade. So this year, I am adopting a new policy to Wake UP! Get up, get out and look around and up. Then behold the beauty and celebrate the rare moment.

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank.
We are going to put words on them ourselves.
The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter
is New Year’s Day.” Edith Lovejoy Pierce

”I can lie down and go to sleep, and I will wake up again,
because the Lord gives me strength.”
Psalm 3:5 New Century Version

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The Truth...

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 14:30:39 -0600

“The Truth doesn’t change, only our perception of it does.”

I am sorry I cannot share who the author of that quote is. If anyone knows to whom those words are attributed, please let me know by clicking on the comment button below.

I have been thinking about truth lately. How easy it is to distort the truth, willingly or not. Our every thought is flavored by our past, our experiences, our hurts, our joys and our fears. Even our past, which can wield such power on our present and future can not be fully trusted as a concise and correct record of the truth. We store memories according to emotion. We even choose which memories get tossed into oblivion and which ones are placed in the most honored corner of our brain.

Witness a favorite childhood memory. If you have siblings, ask them to recount the same event. You may be shocked by their most different interpretation. You may have even argued over who is correct. I propose that neither and both of you are. Memories with emotions attached stick around. They get retold to friends, loved ones and even uninterested persons held captive on the plane seat next to you or in front of you at the long DPS line. It is human nature to tell stories, especially ones in which we star.

It is also human nature to ham it up a bit, embellish, act out, extrapolate, flavor, color and spice the story. After all, who wants to hear about your latest encounter with an interesting stranger if there is not some intrigue to include.

As I am writing this at one of my local coffee haunts, I am overhearing a conversation between two strangers at adjacent tables. One of them is a painter and he is telling the inquirer the sorts of things he paints. Interesting. If I choose to retell this story later I may add a colorful description of the painter, especially as compared to the other man who seems quite boring in comparison. I would most certainly add my own perception of the men and of the situation. That perception is guaranteed to be faulty if not totally false.

Back to the issue of truth. There is an absolute truth here, I just don’t have any idea what it is. There is a true past and history of each of these men’s existence. Here is the catch - even they are not completely aware of that truth. They only know that which they have chosen to retain (complete with colors and flavors of their own preconceived notions, prejudices and faulty ideas).

I believe there is an absolute truth to the world. I also believe we won’t know what that is on this earthly plane. The challenge is to be okay with that and learn the best way to sort out fact from fancy.

So how do we come close to learning the truth, especially as we grapple with decisions? A wise man once told me to always go with the heart as opposed to the head. This can be good advice. It is like saying, put the “facts” aside as you perceive them and go with your gut. The problem is we can often confuse emotions with the state of the heart.

In ELAN classes we talk about the TAB exercise - and I have mentioned it here several times. Our Thoughts drive our Attitude and that drives our Behavior. Our thoughts are generated in emotion, which often have little to do with the truth of a situation. Our thoughts can make our stomach sour, to continue the analogy of head, heart, gut.

A wise woman once shared with me a saying that had changed her life: “Whether you realize it or not, the fact that you were created by God is the most important fact of your life.”

The fact of my creation, existence, salvation, deliverance, protection and eternal destiny is the most important fact of my life whether I realize it or not (I do) even when I forget that fact. That is an absolute truth that I will joyfully celebrate this Christmas.

This week, think about truth. How far is your version of it different from the absolute truth? How comfortable are you with the fact that you may be holding a faulty idea of reality? Think about this especially in relationships with others. How have your perceptions colored your relationship with others? Is there a possibility that they feel differently than you think they do?

If we approach relationships with an attitude of peace, love and offer the benefit of good will to others, we may surprised at the peace and love and good will returned to us.

Now I have to add an update to the fantasy I was creating in my head resulting from the overheard conversation between the two men in the coffee shop. One of the men left and the painter remained. I was imagining him sketching the coffee shop, complete with my profile as I worked away. That is, until he did approach me and offered his business card. Turns out he is a house painter and trying to drum up business! Not nearly as colorful as the life I had planned out for him, but probably much closer to the truth of his situation.

Be cautious of what you regard as the truth. Watch the words you use when recounting situations to others. Absolutes are rarely that. When we hear (or say) “I know,” “I am sure of it,” “I can guarantee you,” etc. those words may put forth an impression of assuredness and even confidence, but rather than convince us of the truth, perhaps they should clue us in to the emotion behind the statement. Emotion that has colored the absolute truth. That is okay, it is a fact of life, but we should be prepared to be okay with the unknown as well as the known.

The photo above shows buildings leaning toward the center. The absolute truth of those buildings is that they are straight, tall and strong. It is “The Bean” in Chicago that causes them to bend and fall in the reflection. How has your perception of someone skewed the reality of their life, strength or love?

“Do not withhold your mercy from me, O Lord; may your
love and your truth always protect me.” Psalm 40:11

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