Where to begin?

not the best day ...

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 20:28:13 -0400

So, we spent the weekend on Cape Cod. It was a load of fun - got to walk on the beach, go to a parade and relax. We also got to pick our our friend, Matt, who for some reason is listening to random people on the check-out line at the Shaw’s on the topic of the world economy. Apparently, the Shaw’s is now a think tank for all the country’s great economists. We know this because they don’t clip coupons, and they’ve invested all their cash in fungible commodities, like lithium batteries.

Anyhoo... we came home Sunday night and had all day today to “get stuff done.” Sure we did.

It all started last night, when we were making our final approach to the house, there was a weird sound coming from under the car and then a shimmying. “Do we have a flat?” “Maybe.” Yup ... we had a flat. OK, well, then, we’ll call AAA in the morning.

So, we got up called AAA. They came quickly. That was good.

Soon thereafter, Sophia woke up and while we were playing in the living room, I saw that her feet, hands and well, a bunch of her seemed to be covered in black soot. I realized that the tile floor in front of my fire place was darker than usual and had little baby footprints in it.

Something - namely a squirrel - had gotten into the chimney, pushed the flew open and well... now we have a squirrel in a metal trap sitting in our garage waiting for the exterminator to come in the AM to set it free.

Oh yeah, and somewhere in the middle of this, I accidentally knocked down a yellow jacket nest while hanging a basket of mums.

To make for an even less productive day - Sophia got no sleep because we had to drive to Sullivan Tire multiple times to pick up the hubby, pay for the car, pick up the car, etc. I don’t know what was more ornery, the squirrel or the baby.

Heres’ to tomorrow.

A sincere and Heart-Felt Request

Tue, 7 Oct 2008 21:03:29 -0400

A dear old friend and his wife are waiting for the adoption of their child from China. They were logged in less than 4 months after Shawn and I were, and at this rate -- with all the slow downs in China, their adoption will not go through any earlier than 18 months after ours did.

A newly passed US law, risks to delay their process even further.

PLEASE - even if you have never signed a petition before, as an individual who has followed our adoption journey, you may have an inkling of just how much this would mean to Shawn, Sophia and I if you took a couple of minutes to sign the petition.

What follows is the complete text of the e-mail that I’ve received from Joe and Holly.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You probably have not heard this (and then again you might), but the law was recently changed regarding international adoptions. Anyone involved in an international adoption now has a new set of paperwork that needs to be completed and submitted to the federal government. When the law was passed by congress, it was specifically stated in the law that any family currently in the process (that's Holly & me, plus about 25,000 others) would be considered "in transition" and would be grandfathered in under the process we had already completed.

When the US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) and the State Department implemented the process for the new law, they neglected this provision. What was initially thought to be an oversight to be corrected quickly has proven to be a sticking point with USCIS failing to change their process to bring it inline with the law. This means that Holly and I may have to complete an entirely new process, costing more than $1,000 and delaying our adoption by 6 months or more.

We started the adoption process in October 2005 with all our paperwork being accepted in China on March 26, 2006. The most recent information we received was the we should expect our referral from China in about 6 months, that would mean traveling to China probably in May 2009. Because of this long wait forms we submitted had expired, so we have had to complete three home studies, three medical checks, two sets of finger prints, two FBI checks, two federal I600A forms, and some other stuff I can't recall. We are tired and at times emotionally drained from the wait and completing all these additional forms.

I am writing today to ask you to take a couple of minutes and sign an electronic petition (click on the words “electronic petition” to sign). If you want to read more about this problem, the Joint Council on International Children's Services has some very good information at their site, http://www.jcics.org/I600A.htm.

Thanks for taking the time.

Joe & Holly

Overheard in Newton Center

Sat, 4 Oct 2008 20:36:07 -0400

We live in a great town. Lots of interesting people watching. Apparently we were the subject of some watching tonight. Typically the comments are something like “oh, she’s so beautiful! May I ask ...???” Then the adoption conversation comes.

So, my husband and I were taken off guard tonight as we were leaving a restaurant when an older woman asked Shawn, “She is very cute. Is she your daughter or your granddaughter?”

I mean honestly, I know I’m looking like I need a facial, but come on.

Video speaks louder than blogs

Thu, 2 Oct 2008 23:40:23 -0400

I know, i know - where have we been?

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 22:57:44 -0400

The last we visited, we had just gotten back from Cape Cod. Above is one of my favorite pictures from our two-week vacation. It’s the hubby pushing a stroller down the very un-stroller friendly streets of Provincetown. The day was lovely, but very sunny. He thought it would be a good idea to buy a hat to keep his noggin from burning. The baby slept much of the stroll around town, and when she woke up, she barely noticed the drag queens at all. It was a perfect day.

Two weeks later, I was ending my job at BU and getting ready to move to Newton to start my newest adventure. That is where you find me now. I am currently employed at Mount Ida College as the Director of Residence Life. That’s all I’ll say about work, except for this - things have been very busy, we’re settling in very well, the new home is lovely, the new job is challenging (in a good way), and that’s it. If you want specifics, call me - and maybe I’ll answer.

Parenthood is a challenge as always, but we are 4 weeks into life as a day-care family. A good friend recommended a day-care in the next town over. It’s 7 minutes away and the location couldn’t be better. So far, the baby’s done quite well with the new adventure. I feel guilty as all hell leaving her there, and many people keep telling me to stop feeling so guilty, but I can’t. I’m a jewish/italian mix-breed ... guilt is an art form for me.

Speaking of the Jewish side of me, I joined the local JCC (Jewish Community Center). They have a great fitness facility, 2 pools (indoor and outdoor), pilates studio (for extra), plus - they have super children’s classes and such. This will be a great place for the baby and me to spend time ... once I find some extra time. But, in all seriousness, I’m trying to get there a few days a week to exercise, and I’m very happy with it.

Someone said to me that my kid is going to either be one of the most open minded people on the planet or completely confused ... confused? How can that be? So, I regularly hang out with a chorus of gay men, we participate in activities at the JCC, we are members of the Greek Orthodox church and my daughter was born in China. I think this is normal - don’t you?

The biggest news of late is not for us, it’s for our friends. FINALLY, the final remaining 99er families are traveling to China to get their girls. Dave and Sandy and Pat and Melissa have been waiting so long, I cannot tell you how good it feels that their wait is almost over. In the weeks to come, I’ll be posting links to their blogs, but if you enjoyed following our journey, I would recommend that you place them on your blog roll now.

Today, all the 99ers (and another family that is traveling with Dave, Sandy, Melissa and Pat) got together to celebrate and say “good-bye” before they head off to China. It also was a bit of a shower for Melissa who wasn’t going to have one of her own. We chipped in and got her the Rose Petal Cottage and EVERY DAMN ACCESSORY YOU COULD POSSIBLY BUY! Pat and Melissa have two boys at home - Melissa doesn’t want to put the cottage up just yet, for fear the boys will mount machine guns to it, but I told her to go for it, how bad could it be?

It was a lovely day, and there was a giddiness in the air that I haven’t seen amongst the four of them in some time. The past 10 months with our baby have been a blessing to us, and I can only hope that meeting their daughters and bringing them home will be the most wonderful of experiences. It will be life altering, for sure, but the bottom line is ... they are going to be fabulous parents. Pat and Melissa are already great parents to their boys, and Dave and Sandy have a funk factor that is without reproach (more funky parents out there the better, I have to say).

Our journey to parenthood started ages ago, and the wait was excruciating. But now, less than a year into parenthood, I barely even think of the wait anymore - but every, single day, I think of the future and how lucky I am to have my family.

Here’s to all the 99ers -- forever families, forever friends.

Is It Possible ... Am I a Cape Person?

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:57:38 -0400

Just back from two weeks on Cape Cod. Never in my life have I had two weeks of vacation - and if at all possible, this may be the way to go for time to come. As I’ve said to anyone who will listen, two weeks feels like quite a luxury. On more reflection, two weeks is really something that is almost necessary, especially with a toddler. We didn’t feel rushed to cram everything in, which made for a very civilized way to live. Well, as civilized as we could be.

The house was in Harwich Port and had 3 bedrooms. This allowed for us to have some overnight visitors. So, my in-laws and one of Shawn’s cousins came to visit at neatly spaced out intervals. We also got to visit with 2 families of 99ers who were on the Cape for their own vacations (the Murphys and the Bordens), a co-worker of mine and her boy friend, a former co-worker of Shawn’s and of course, our year-round Cape resident friends, Matt and Jen Pitta. Matt is a bit of a legend on Cape Cod, which I’ll get into later.

Again, the 2 week time played into these visits very well. We had plenty of time to see everyone without feeling like we were getting pushed from visit to visit.

If there was anything to change about the visit, we are going to look into a place that is in walking distance to the beach next year. This will allow for any visitors to stay at the beach as long (or short) as they would like, rather than having to be tied to getting a ride with us. But other than that small change, the consensus from the Hubby is that this was a pretty damn good vacation.

Some highlights:

Sophia and the Water: The first couple of days, she was a bit hesitant of the water, but I think that was due to the waves. But, after a confidence building trip to a pool and then a calmer day on the ocean, she was loving the time we spent in the water. Even a good mouthful of salt water didn’t seem to douse her enthusiasm for the warm waters of the Atlantic.

Sophia and the Sand: Loved it. Key mommy tip ... always have a small container of baby powder in your beach bag. This does wonders for cleaning off sand before loading the baby back in the car seat. Car seats + Sand = UGH!!!!

The Beach Cart: My mother-in-law (who is now an Ebay power buyer, due to her addiction... I mean, hobby) found one on line for us. TOTALLY worth the money. Admittedly, if you had told me a year ago that I would be hauling one of these things to the beach, I would have told you that surely you were mistaken. Why would we need something that Moses could have used to carry the tablets across the great deserts? Well, because you need a place to carry your 3 beach chairs, 3 towels, 1 beach blanket, 1 bag of beach toys, 1 bag of miscellaneous crap, your beach tent (also purchased on Ebay) and 1 cooler of food. But please, while you may be tempted - DO NOT put the baby in it. There are warning labels all over the damn thing, so apparently someone did and ruined it for the rest of us.

Babies sleep better after being on the beach. She took fantastic naps after a morning on the beach. FABULOUS!

The outdoor shower - a guy thing? The hubby LOVED the outdoor shower. This made our friend, Matt uncomfortable knowing that Shawn was outside and naked less than a 1/4 of a mile from his house. I’ve never seen a human being so excited to get clean. He’d bound out of the house in the morning, singing “time to take a shower!!!” On further investigation, it seems that men - many men - LOVE the outdoor shower. Women see it as a necessary evil. In other words, it is a good thing once you are back from the beach, especially if you don’t want sand and crud tracked all over the house. But for men, showering in a wooden box with unidentifiable plant life sprouting between the slats under their feet, while their “all there” is blocked from public scrutiny by a thin barrier of plastic is the greatest thing going.

Sometimes people forget that the diaper needs to get taped down on both sides. And now, let me set the stage: The hubby has performed the last diaper change. It is late morning, and due to the fact that mommy got a bit too much sun the day before, we are not doing any beach time, and have opted to take things slow that day. So, we were having a lazy day around the house with Shawn’s cousin, Christina. The baby is still in her sleeper/romper, and the rest of us are in various states of pajama/bathingsuit/short attire.

I went into the bedroom to make the bed or something, and the baby followed me into the room. She started performing one of her favorite acts: moving my shoes around. This requires her to crouch and stand, then crouch and stand, then crouch and stand. After several repeated movements, there it was ... on the floor ... and in my shoes ... a movement.

“HONEY!!!!”

“What?!”

“Um, when you changed her diaper, did you put another one on?”

“Yes, of course I did, why? ... OH MY GOD!!!!”

In the meantime, the baby has taken off and little rabbit pellets of poo are now creating a trail between our room, her room and the bathroom, which is where we finally cornered her and threw her in the tub.

After careful reconstruction of the crime we determined that Shawn either a) “forgot” to tape one side of the diaper shut or b) it came undone on its own. I’m going with a.

A Little Drag Show is Good for the Soul. One night, Shawn and I drove to Provincetown while my in-laws watched the baby. We took in a drag show at the Art House featuring Miss Richfield 1981. If you are going to Ptown, get tickets -- she’s great! I got to meet her at the Boston Gay Men’s Chorus fundraiser in May, where she was the featured performer. The show was loads of fun and we had a great time. At the end of the show, she recognized me. “I know you! Why do I know you?!” After I explained, we had a moment of mutual adoration and said our good-byes. On the way back to the car, the hubby pointed out that I am one of the few people who a drag queen would find memorable. Fabulous.

Keeping old people off the internet = comedic gold. So, back to our “celebrity friend”, Matt. After several years at the Associated Press, he has returned to Cape Cod as the news director at one of their radio stations. The station has a “right leaning” format -- which makes me crazy, but he seems to revel in this. In fact, he put a sticker on my car that identifies me as some sort of Kool-Aid Drinking neo-con. I’m removing it today.

His return to the Cape has been met with great fan-fare. In fact, there is a “bumper” (or short ad) running constantly on the station about “The return of Matt Pitta!” He can’t go to the supermarket without some local saying that they listen to him, and “nice to have you back.” It’s so Americana ... you know?

The hubby had a great idea for the bumper should they re-record it: “From the Drag Nets of Woods Hole to the Drag Queens of Provincetown. No one knows Cape Cod like Matt Pitta!”

Anyway, on Tuesday of last week, an on-line auction for Cape and the Islands license plates numbers 1 - 999 kicked off. The auction is a fundraiser for tourism or something (read the link ... I’m still confused what the money is for), but what you really need to know is this: it is an on-line auction. For those of you who don’t know, the median age of residents on Cape Cod is 85 (Ok, it’s really 36.8 ... but you get my drift).

So, the hubby, Sophia and I are driving to a beach date, when the two hosts of the radio’s morning show are interviewing two guys who have something to do with the auction. The prerequisite “isn’t this a great thing?!” banter ensues and then ... my favorite ... it’s call in time!!!! Let’s go to the phones!!!!

And then, seriously, the first caller:

“Hello!” (Old lady voice)

“Hello! Ida from Orleans - you are on the air!” (please note, that Orleans has the HIGHEST median age on the Cape - it’s true ... look it up)

“Hello! This is Ida from Orleans ... I have a question about the auction.”

“Go ahead Ida!” (Four male voices chime in at the same time)

“Well ... I would like to bid, but what if you don’t have a computer? Can I still be a part of the auction? And what if I don’t like to use a credit card? I prefer to use cash or checks. You know, I hear all those stories about i-den-ti-ty theft, and that makes me glad I never got a credit card, especially after my husband passed in 1902 ... but I would like a license plate, because I have lived on the Cape since the end of the war. But back then, we didn’t have cars, instead we took mules across the Cape ... did you know about the great mule scandal of 1953? It was a doosy...”

“Um, Ida - if you don’t have a computer you can’t participate in the auction. And yes, you’ll need a credit card.”

“Oh ... well ... OK... thank you ...” (Mule in the background grunts).

OK -- I know I went off on a little poetic license here, but I think you catch my drift.

At that point, I said to Shawn -- “I love the Cape.” Now ... to book our place for next summer.

Keeping to a Schedule

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 01:57:08 -0400

Life is challenging, even without a kid. Sophia has been great with keeping to somewhat of a schedule, despite the fact that she goes from our fabulous “sitanny” (Sitter/Nanny ... go with it, I’m trying to coin a phrase here, people) for two days a week, to my very generous mother and father in law for two days and then me for one.

Some folks I know keep a very, very strict schedule -- for us that simply isn’t going to work for our current reality. Overall, she’s really rolled with it. With our “sitanny”, she has 2 naps a day that are structured. With my in-laws, there is a morning nap, but the afternoon is a crap-shoot. What doesn’t help is that there is the 30 minute drive to the hubby’s office, and then the 40 minute drive home. So, she may - or may not - sleep in the car.

Suffice it to say, I feel guilty that I can’t keep her to the same schedule every day. Do I think that she is suffering because if it? No, not at all. It’s just that I wish that things weren’t such a production all the time. Packing meals, sending things a certain way to one place, and another way to another place, saying good-bye, running to be on time ... it’s all a juggling act that every single working mother can relate to.

Recently, I had the opportunity to interview for a new job. I wasn’t looking for work, but this position had the potential for me to at least strive for some “work life balance” (a phrase that someone else coined). So, I interviewed, and guess what - I got the job. So, we’re moving (the job comes with living accommodations - an actual house ... holy crow!). My new boss is herself, a new working mom, so at least we’ll have some common ground there -- on top of the fact that she is an accomplished professional in student affairs, and someone that I believe I can learn a great deal from.

In the short term, we need to move, etc., so I’m sure there will be some great entries there. In the long term, we are going to be making some child care decisions that I hope will help to add structure to her life and to ours.

Stay tuned ... we’re moving to the suburbs!

Fountains are Cool

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 22:13:25 -0400

Funniest ad on TV right now ...

For My Hubby

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 07:00:10 -0400

I know it’s not always been easy. When it all started 8 years ago and we moved forward with the quest to become parents it all seemed so innocent enough. I mean, how hard could it be? People got pregnant all the time!

As we know, it was hard, and it was emotional, and it was painful. Sometimes, too painful. I’ll never forget the day that you looked at me and said you just “couldn’t do it anymore.” The shots - it was the shots, and the blood that came after the shots. That’s what you couldn’t do anymore. I knew it, and I think that somewhere in my core I was hoping you would say that. That it was just too much. I didn’t want to be the weak one, and you gave me an out to say, “me too.”

Then, we moved forward in our journey to find our baby through adoption. We were blind going into it, and frankly, I think we were a bit too optimistic about how simple it could be. We worried so much about the finances, but what we didn’t know is that the finances would be the easy part. Rather, it was the waiting and the disappointment that we should have concerned ourselves with.

Through it all - the shots, the unsuccessful pregnancies, the waiting, the tears, you have been there for me and now you are there for us. The night before we got her, I was petrified. I could barely sleep. I remember asking you, “What if I’m not a good mom?” You looked me in the eye and said, “You’re going to be a great mom.” Then you held me and I cried.

Since Sophia was presented to us that day in December our lives have become more complicated, but in some ways more simple. It’s about all of us - every decision, whether it be about what groceries to buy, where to go on vacation or what career goals to shoot for. I know there are times that we both crave for the selfish days of couple-hood, but they are outweighed by the new and more intense days of parent-hood.

The first time you danced with her and made her laugh - that is when I knew it would all be OK.

I am truly proud of you. You are a great dad. Sure, you don’t know what to dress her in, and what to tell the barber when they ask what we want done with her hair, but bottom line is - that stuff doesn’t matter. What matters is how she lights up when you come home and screams “Dada!”

I love calling you husband. I love calling you Daddy. And most of all, I love calling you mine. Happy Father’s Day my love.

Food Glorious Food

Sat, 31 May 2008 11:50:29 -0400

One of the first things we did with Sophia was feed her. On “gotcha day” we went from the office building where we met our daughter, we held her, we cried, we tried to make her laugh with toys and silly sounds, and then faster than you can say “next!” we were ushered with the rest of our group onto an elevator and back to our hotel via our tour bus.

Once at the hotel we were instructed to get food, bottles and the like and meet up back in the dining room, where 10 new families fed their children. Some of the babies would have eaten a chair if we handed it to them, Sophia was not a big eater - which of course immediately distressed her Italian/Jewish New Yorker mother. The bottle was the clear winner of anything we offered her throughout the trip.

Some kids ate noodles, rice, chicken, yogurt, fruit and more. Sophia would sort of humor us and try these other foods, but nothing was as good as that bottle of formula and rice cereal. Soon after we arrived home we found out that she, in fact, had Giardia (something I’ve talked about before). Doctors and public health folks who I’ve discussed this with all agreed that the Giardia was probably causing intestinal distress, and making eating uncomfortable.

Imagine the guilt that I felt as I thought about all the times I tried to get food inter her, and I was really causing her pain. Ugh. It makes me crazy just thinking about it.

Today, Sophia loves food - but on her own agenda. She is a S...L...O...W eater, and at 16 months, clearly loves feeding herself. So, I’m always in a quest for finger foods that will not only make her happy, but get her the nutrition that she needs. Some of her favorites:

Chicken Fingers: I swore I wouldn’t become “That Mom” who only serves her kid Chicken Fingers. Well, don’t panic, I haven’t . These are items that we get when we venture out. If a restaurant has this on the menu for kids it is a clear bet for us. Not only because she will eat a finger or two, but because, we can bag it up after the meal and it becomes a snack for her over the next couple of days. Mommy Tip: I always carry around an insulated lunch sack with a freezer pack in it. It’s small, and that keeps the space cool enough to hold whatever temperature sensitive contents I may place inside.

Mozzarella Sticks: Usually used as an appetizer, I slice them up and give them to her gradually ... this gets her into the eating mode. They are also used to accompany a meal that requires me to feed her (read: messy stuff that should not be eaten by hand). She seems to eat better when she is taking part in the process, so cheese and crackers are always not too far from her tray table.

Crackers: This kid loves her carbs. Animal crackers, Elmo organic grahams and Trader Joe’s version of “Ritz Bitz” (also organic) are her clear favorites.

Oranges, Bananas, Apples, Grapes and Blueberries: Holy crap. I could feed her these fruits all day long, but that would not make for a very balanced diet. The hubby finds the Grapes and Blueberries distressful, primarily due to the cost. They are often times expensive - but my mantra of “your daughter loves them” makes him at least buy what he can when it is on sale. My only beef with oranges is that I have to cut them up, including take the membranes off. This is because she still only has 4 teeth, which makes cutting through these things a challenge.

Peas and Mixed Veggies: Kudos to my friend Nancy who turned me on to taking frozen peas and chopped veggies, and putting them in a Tupperware Container in the AM, and letting them thaw for use at lunch or dinner. They are the perfect size for her to feed herself, and they are MOBILE!

Ohs: Cherrios, Oatios, Joe-O’s what ever your brand ... they are the best things going.

Cured Meat Products: Hot dogs, canadian bacon, ham, you name it ... If it oinked or mooed and is now cured and wrapped in a casing, this kid loves it.

Corn on the Cob: No word of a lie ... she loves it.

Life for Sophia is on-the-road. Two days a week she is with a sitter and her 21 month old son. Two days a week she is with her Yaya. And, on the remaining days, there is no telling what adventures we’ll be up to. Consequently, at least 45 minutes of my day is spent preparing food for transportation. That being said, if you have any suggestions for this mom-on-the-go ... I’m not proud ... help me!

But, even with the advances in her diet, and the fact that she is not gladly drinking out of a sippy cup and sometimes a straw, she still loves her twice daily bottles. Yes, she still does a bottle 2 times a day. This is a hold over of our desire to continue to monitor her nutrition with a Pediasure once a day. We cut the Pediasure with whole milk, and we hope to taper her off the Pediasure all together as soon as possible.

If you read the tabloid mags with any regularity, you may have seen that Suri Cruise and her parents are under scrutiny for allowing her to have a bottle at the advanced age of 2. The press, of course, should lay off. The fact that she has a Playtex Nurser a couple of times a day is the least of her problems.

For Sophia, the bottle symbolizes our first attachment to her. We gave her the bottle, whenever she wanted it, and now, although it’s only a couple of times a day, it is still our special thing. Sure, we’ll get her off of it soon ... but I’m going to enjoy it for now.

On a side note - I finished typing this on Saturday, the 31st of May. It wasn’t posted until June 5th. Because in the meantime, I spilled water on my laptop. And ... well... let’s just say - it wasn’t pretty. So, here I am typing away on my new MacBook (I went for the black one). It’s not exactly what I’m used to - but I’m getting used to it. Oh, and by the way.... Stupidity is not covered in your AppleCare extended warranty.