Men Moved To Mars... When Women Started Killing The Ones On Venus
In my 20+ years of ministry I have witnessed an alarming trend. It has broken my heart to see marriages, supposedly good marriages, ministry marriages, falling apart. Six years ago my wife and I set out to write a book to help couples strengthen and restore their marriages that was both theologically sound and written humorously enough that a man would read it. Our research has taught us that most men will only voluntarily read a book if it is extremely funny. I believe we have been able to document some rather interesting observations as to what creates a great marriage... and how an average couple can achieve it. (see synopsis below)
FYI: We have packaged this material in a very fun and funny weekend format that is affordable for any church to host.
Mike Williams Great Marriage Weekend Ministries
You may watch a three part video excerpt of the first part of this book on YouTube by using the links below. Don’t be a slug, watch them all:
Teaching Part 3 (my favorite)
Never buy a man a reading lamp that won’t fit in the bathroom!
While sitting on the airplane on my way to do one of our Great Marriage Weekend Seminars, I saw an ad from a company that condenses the world’s greatest business books into an easy to read 8 page synopsis of the book. What a great idea! I would be a reader if every book was 8 pages long. I’ll bet my book shelf would be full of those. And the whole collection could all fit on the top of my fishing tacklebox... for reference of course. I might actually read two or even three books a year that way. So with that thought in mind, I have prepared this short version of the entire book for those who don’t have the time to read the entire book or for those who are not sure they want to invest the time to read the entire book. I understand. So I simply sat down and tried to sum up what I wrote in the book. I'm sure I have left some good stuff out... but unless you read the book you will not know. Maybe I should have written it this way to begin with and it wouldn’t have taken me three years to complete. But then again, the publisher couldn’t charge 16.99 for an eight page book either. A lot of good stuff had to be skipped in this version... because that is the only way I could get it down to a web readable size. Nevertheless, I hope this incomplete synopsis that is filled with sweeping generalities and random thoughts will encourage you to go back and read the entire book... and host a very good seminar. Here we go:
FROM THE BOOK
MEN MOVED TO MARS WHEN WOMEN STARTED KILLING THE ONES ON VENUS
Quid pro quo! Can you really have a great marriage? Yes you can have a great marriage! There I said it! It can be achieved. The mediocrity myth is over. The truth is out. The cover has been blown. The banner has been lifted. The white smoke has come from the papal chimney! Okay that last one didn’t make any sense, sorry! But without a doubt we know that there are people... on this planet... many... who have great marriages. So it is doable. It is achievable.
Puppy love leads to a dog’s life, but it’s real to the puppy. –Bob Harrington
The problem is actually attaining it. Anyone who has tried to blend vinegar and oil knows it is not that simple. So how do you blend two people groups who seem to be from totally different planets? Mars Men and Venus Women are very-very, very-very different. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist or subscribe to National Geographic to understand that. By the time you are seven years old you have come to this basic understanding. But of course the differences go way beyond what meets the eye. One might venture to say that these two people groups use the same words... but speak a different language. On the other hand, Men and Women have some great similarities. But throwing caution to the wind, Men and Women throughout the ages continue to find out they bring to each other something they both need desperately. Oneness from two!
Men and Women belong to different species, and communication between them is still in its infancy. -Bill Cosby
Now with Man and Woman now sharing the same space there have been some pretty interesting conflicts that have arisen. Each has attempted to make their new home on Earth more to their personal liking. So Woman, in her wisdom has attempted to tame this wild animal known as Man. The observant Woman has found that at best a wild Man can only be trained... but never tamed. Conversely Man has tried with all of his might to shrug off any training and remain the hunter-gatherer and king of his jungle, albeit the jungle is now made of concrete, tile, and wall to wall carpeting. Man likes the invention of indoor toilets, but that may be as far as it goes. Contemporary Man has conversely tried to en-wild Womankind only to realize that the process has somehow reduced the attraction he had to her in the first place. These challenges have caused some to fight, some to rebel, and some to give up on love altogether. That is a crying shame. In the next few pages I will show you where it all went wrong and how to fix it. Yes that is a mighty big promise. But that’s the way I roll!
If Women didn’t exist all the money in the world would have no meaning.
- Multi-millionaire Aristotle Onassis
For some of you singles reading this book you may think it is just for marrieds. And for those of you marrieds you may read the first part of this synopsis and think it is just for singles. That is just what the enemy of your relationships wants you to think. I challenge you to look at my (proven) hypothesis and see if you don’t agree with it. It basically goes like this: Most marriages and relationships in general have problems because they are built on a faulty foundation! There that was simple. Like dilapidated housed, if you go back and fix the foundation, then and only then can you fix the house and get the walls to square and the floors to level. Please pardon the construction illustration but I feel like it is mostly Men who are reading this version of the book... so get over it. So it is all about foundation! And the problems you are having in achieving a great marriage, which you can have, or a great pre-marital relationship, is a matter of going back and re-pouring a proper foundation.
I married her for her looks... but not the looks she’s been giving me lately!
So what is this foundation? You may be thinking that this Is where the author tries to insert his brand of “salvation” or “religious experience” into the book in secret hopes that the reader will become his brand of “religious” person? Wrong! Rather what I am going to share with you, though founded in Biblical truth, is universal truth. Wether you are a Protestant or a Catholic, a religious fanatic or a reprobate, truth is always truth. Like gravity, truth is truth for every race, creed, and certainly sex on this planet. And that truth is that great marriages come from great bonds between average people.
It’s rough being a Man. See, Men have to have money, have to try to look good, have to have the right job, the right prestige; Women can be working in McDonald’s—we’ll still try to get your phone number. –Sinbad
A great bond is like an epoxy glue. J B Weld is my personal favorite! Epoxy glue is different from the Elmers paste we used to eat as a child, or the Testors model glue that was dangerously intoxicating as we built plastic cars and airplanes on the kitchen table as young boys. An epoxy is strengthened not by it’s exposure to air, rather by the combining of multiple ingredients, from multiple tubes. After all the ingredients are mixed, there is usually a very short set up time, but then... BAM... it is solid as a rock. Like the epoxy glue, there are four key ingredients that need to go into your great bond and subsequent great marriage. These four ingredients when combined in equal proportions will form a lifelong bonded love and become the basis for a happy lifelong partnership. If either party leaves any of these ingredients out of their foundation they are dooming their relationship to trouble. But there is hope! Don’t be discouraged. Foundations can be rebuilt. Do you ever watch HGTV? Then you know it can be done... for houses... and relationships.
Now oddly enough these four ingredients would have formed naturally if Man and Woman had not have been so jaded by a sexually perverse media. And this did not happen overnight. For years the secular media has taught us that “making love” is sex. When it is not really sex at all. Sex is sex! It is good, it is great, hot sex, awesome sex, it is glorious and sensual, it is pleasure-filled... but it is sex. But sex in itself does not make a good marriage. I’ll bet you already knew that. Because most of our closet geniuses. So let us move on.
Women color their hair, apply make-up, purchase a wonder bra and a booty enhancing girdle… and have the audacity to claim to be only looking for a Man who will love them for who they are. -Gordon Douglas
Before I define the bonding ingredients let me tell you about Velcro love. Because it is the popular option these days. We all love Velcro. Velcro is a glorious connective cloth that allows you to instantly hook up two different items. After a few years of connecting and disconnecting the ability of the Velcro to hold securely is rather weak. In fact it is almost non-existent. This unfortunately is the kind of relationships that modern society has been propagating. You have been taught their version of Velcro love since you were old enough to understand the birds and the bees. But it has failed miserably and the bodies are strewn by the hi-way in the wake of this dung. Do you want to make your relationship solid? Do you want to make your marriage great? I hope you do.
I wanted to marry her from the first moment I saw the moonlight shining on the barrel of her father’s shotgun. –Rich Praytor
All four of these ingredients are almost one and the same.. in a way. For what makes a great marriage is love. Not just any love. But the four different types of love. Did you know there were four types? Well there are. I am going share them along with a simple way of remembering them. There is nothing like a good acrostic to jog the memory.
L.O.V.E.
L
Look At That!
Eros is a love type that can best be described as adoration. It is that quickening of the mind, the pitter-patter of the heart, that uncontrollable infatuation that one has when they see the special someone. It happens in a moment. Boom... there they are. It is lived out in adoration. You can’t keep your eyes of of them. Everything about them intrigues you. You are enamored. I would call it worship. I call it that because it is the same feeling we express as we sing songs of adoration to our God. And when you are in the throws of Eros you are blind to everything else. This is a must have ingredient in a great bond... and subsequent great marriage. For our discussion, Eros is summed up in the statement: Look at that! Do you... or did you have this?
When we first met my wife didn’t like me that much. Luckily, she wanted to stay in this country. -Brian Kiley
O
Our Commonality
Philia is a love type that is best described a common fellowship and shared interest. It is the commonality you find with another in things you like to do, hobbies, activities, dreams you share, and adventures you take together. It is friendship love. But don’t let that scare you. If you are going to have a great marriage you are going to have to at least be great friends with your spouse. Without that you are merely sleeping with the enemy. This is where the basis for lifelong mutual interest will keep you united in your conversation for a lifetime. Without it there will be little to talk about other than the kids... and that aint enough to make a relationship great. Trust me on this one. For our discussion Philia will be summed up in what I call: Our Commonality. Do you... or did you have this?
Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. -A.W. Pinero
V
Vulnerably Safe
Storge is a love type best described as trust love. It is revealed as we reach the point in a relationship that we share the innermost desires and fears of our hearts. It develops as we feel safe enough to reveal the flaws in our self without the fear of rejection. Storge doesn’t come overnight. It can’t be achieved until the first two love types are well developed. This is the most often overlooked type of love. But without it, your marriage is doomed to divorce as time plays its nasty tricks on our bodies and health. I often refer to this as the love type that allows a spouse to sit for hours holding the hand of their beloved in the often tragic golden years of a relationship. This is the love that says, “Don’t worry... you wont die alone.” Please go back and read the illustration in the full book to get a better understanding of this. For our discussion we will simply consider Storge under the heading: Vulnerably Safe. Do you... or did you have this?
I was a fool to have married my wife, but she was so infatuated with me she didn’t seem to notice. –Emo Phillips
E
Everlasting Promise
Agape is a love type that could be best described as a everlasting promise. Covenant love! Now we live in an age where contracts are made to be broken. Or at least that is what the attorney’s would have us to believe. Agape love is a heart given promise to love until death do we part. It is a signed contract promising to our spouse that we will give ourselves exclusively unto them, mind, body, and emotions. No if, and’s, or but’s about it! It is witnessed best in the marriage ceremony and lived out best in a lifelong commitment to each other. It is often referred to as the God type love. It is a choosing to love eternally. For our discussion and for our ability to remember it, we will call it: Everlasting Promise. Do you... or did you have this?
All you need is love!
Yes... all you need is love to have a great marriage. But many, if not most people enter into marriage without having all of the key ingredients of real love. They may have the Look at that - infatuation factor going on. They may have even chosen to get legally married. But without all four loves solidly in place, their bonding glue will never dry. And their marriage cannot last. Some overtly spiritual people might say that all we need is Agape love. They say, “If it good enough for God it should be all we need.” And it only takes a few minutes of good searching the Bible and real life to find out that these people have been out in the sun to long and have never read the Song of Solomon. You need all of these love types to secure lifelong happiness in marriage. All of these love types are designed to gel and harden into an awesome love that is culminated in a great marriage and a totally awesome sex life too.
Now this teaching comes with an interesting little catch. Every one of these love types bring to the marriage table a different quality along with them. To miss any along the way is to miss the fullness of a great marriage and miss the awesomeness of a great bond. And hear these next sentences very well. The percentage of time one spends in each of these four quadrants of love will determine the percentage of time spent in that quadrant during marriage. Many people skip through the types of love so fast they do not allow that quadrant to really take hold in their life. Secular media has told us to have Eros... and get into bed... quickly. Societal norms have told us to us to get it on with our friends. The teens call it, “Friends with benefits.” They teach us to find someone we enjoy being around and share mutual sexual pleasures the way you would share a round of golf. Keep on playing it that way and you could eventually loose all your golf balls. Storge love is all but written off in our self-serving narcissistic world. There are going to be a lot of lonely seniors in the days to come. And as far as lifelong commitments go... culture has taught us to keep our options open. Who needs Agape? We change our minds more often than we change our underwear. I think that last line would make a great bumper sticker!
Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think in a deeper voice. –Bill Cosby
This skipping of, and/or rapidly rushing through any of these steps impedes our ability to really love and be fully loved. Skip the adoration time and you will find yourself not even attracted to your spouse about the middle of your first marital year. You will question what you saw in them in the first place. Was I drunk? I don’t even drink. I must have been drugged or something. You will start looking at others. Skip the commonality portion and you will find that you have nothing in common, and thus have nothing to talk about. I would hate to spend the rest of my life with someone I had nothing to say to. Skip the trust building vulnerability step and you will live in fear of getting old, getting ill, or being honest and vulnerable with your spouse. We all need at least one person we can be totally vulnerable with... and that really needs to be the one who is always going to be there for us. Skip the Covenant (marriage contract) and you have nothing to keep you in the same room, much less the same house when you are having a bad day. Troubled times come... genuine covenant keeps you working for change instead of calling a moving van or having an affair.
But many of you may be rightfully saying that you are already married and cannot undo the missing steps you have taken. Wrong! No matter where you are you can go back to the first base and start again. It may take a little more time than it would have if you had done it right the first time. But it can be done.
Men think that Women like Men who are dangerous. As a result Men smoke, drink, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality... Women don’t like guys who are dangerous. They want us to think that because they are trying to kill us. -Dennis Miller
Do you have a relationship with all of these types of love fully in place and working well? If not, you need to start the restoration process today. Only put off for tomorrow the things that don’t matter. This is the most important thing on your horizon right now. Fix it. Fix it now. But how do we do that? Well if you will send me a check for $29.95 I will send you a little bottle of pills! LOL! Only you can fix the problem. You start the fixing in the following manner.
Restoration of the heart comes first with a deep and honest desire to really fix it. Sometimes the cost of the repair is quite high. But then again, the cost of leaving things the way they are is higher. And the cost to children involved in the mix makes it unfathomable. Well at least I would hope you find it unfathomable. Certainly it is easier to cut our losses and start again. But as creatures of habit, you will most likely make the same mistake over and over again. So why not fix it now instead of waiting to fix it in the midst of your next failed attempt? You only have so many years... why waste them in repeated misery?
We are all broken beings. Until we realize that we’ve got some problems of our own we will never be able to have a great marriage. If you are waiting on your spouse to change and make you happy - get ready for some major lifelong disappointment. The key to having a great spouse starts with being a great spouse. You may think you are. Great. Get over it! We have all got some issues. And before you can help get the cataract out of your spouses eye, you need to get a some new glasses yourself. Lens Crafters - in about an hour! You need to be a whole person or you will kill your spouse trying to make them bring peace and wholeness to your own life. It is time that you took responsibility for your own world. Can you admit that you have a few problems? If you said yes, read on. If not, flush the toilet on this book and get a good lawyer.
The healing process begins as we realize that we have personally made mistakes and being truly sorry for them. Let me make this personal. Be broken hearted enough about your own failures to let the repairs start with you. Do this whether your spouse comes along or not, your future healing and wholeness is at stake. Many people go into marriage thinking that this person will bring that missing element to their life. When they don’t - they try and kill the other person trying to force them to bring happiness and peace to their own existence. And it just wont happen. Miserable people will only become more miserable and make others miserable with them. So let’s start our own healing by admitting that we have a problem. And the problem is that we have sinned. We are, or at least were in the past selfish self serving sinners. We rushed through our bonding steps and became focused on ourselves, and our own desires, instead of doing what it really took to achieve a great marriage. Whether that be by ignorance or choice... we sinned. And we need to repent. So a thinking person would first want to make amends with the God who they sinned against... and the person they sinned against also. There are some great restorative techniques given n the larger book. Read them.
Married Men live longer than single Men... But married Men are more willing to die!
While I’m here I need to mention something about sex. Understand that sex alone, good sex, great sex will not make up for any missing steps in your bonding experience. Understand that you can put all the gas you want into the car... but if the engine aint right... it aint gonna’ run! But sex is good! I mention this because some people might think some Christian teachers are anti-sex. Especially if you are just reading this synopsis. No way. I am pro sex! I believe in it, love it, and enjoy it. But sex is not “making love” by any shape of the imagination. The term [making love] has been totally perverted by the media. Sex is sex. God designed it. He implemented it. He smiles upon it within the confines of a fully bonded relationship. So don’t hear [anti-sex] in any way. It is good. Participate as often as you can. It is healthy for you. Not only will it allow you to burn of that extra helping of mashed potatoes you had at supper, but studies show that if done often enough actually reduce Mens risk of certain types of cancer. Within marital confines - get busy. Look into the eyes of your spouse and share what God wants you to share. There is a book chapter that addresses the act of masturbation. But I could not condense it enough to include it in this part of the book. But it is ingenious... and a must read.
How am I supposed to love my wife as Christ loved the church? I’m doing good just trying to keep myself from strangling her with my WWJD bracelet!
Here’s a little trivia for you. Did you know that many cultures, including ancient biblical cultures required the couple to have sex before they were married? They did. They had to prove to each other and the Priest that would perform the ceremony that they were wholly bondable. The Priest felt that if someone had given themselves sexually to another they could not give themselves fully to the one they were betrothed to. Scary! You need to read this chapter in the book. There is not time in this synopsis. But it is a very interesting page-turner study!
Part Two
I trust that you now understand a little about where we have failed in our attempts to be fully bonded, and are taking steps to go back and correct those mistakes. But for now, how do we deal with the day to day problems that arise in marriage? I have come to know that it aint easy living with an alien. And in some ways that is what the opposite sex is - an alien! It is going to take a little humility, compassion, and knowledge to live with another culture. You need a lot of give and a lot of take. But it can be done successfully. Fortunately you don’t have to be a rocket scientist. I have met many a happily married couple who were dumber than a stump, and I have met a number of happily married couples whose I.Q.’s were off the charts. This is not about brains, it is about taking on the challenge of merging two interplanetary cultures. It is not for the lazy. So if you are lazy... stop being lazy.
My wife and I took out insurance policies on one another - so now it’s just a waiting game. Bill Dwyer
Understand that though we feel it would be great to have a spouse that thought and acted just like we do, it would be rather boring. Our attraction from the start was congealed in our differences. Women are soft and cuddly for the most part, and Men are wild at heart. Celebrate that difference. Ladies need to stop trying to fully domesticate the lion they married. Get him domesticated enough not to pee on the floor, but remember you love him for being a lion. And Men need to stop trying to turn your delicate princess into a NASCAR lovin’ Hooters girl. They may look really attractive carrying a bucket of wings... but we had our chance to bring that kind home to momma and we didn’t we didn’t for a reason. Celebrate that reason. Celebrate what each of you bring to the marriage table.
No wonder my wife lost her mind; she’s been giving me a piece of it every day for 20 years. -Nazareth
Men and Women speak different dialects. We use the same words but mean different things. When a Man says “frank” he is referring to a hot dog. When a Woman says “frank” she is referring to honest concise communication. A Woman will say, “Be honest... do these jeans make my butt look fat?” She is actually wanting to be reassured that you still love her body and that she looks thin. Every Man in the world knows that by the first year of his marriage. You understand. A citizen of Mexico could go to Spain and understand their language, but you wouldn’t want that person to interpret a life altering medical document. Some of the words are understood differently. Their Spanish will have different tenses, and different different implications. It is no different with us. We need to listen closely to each other and become bilingual if we are going to have a foreigner living with us peacefully under the same roof.
I’ve heard that dogs are Man’s best friend. That explains where they get their hygiene tips. -Kelly Maguire
Men have learned to trash talk from the time they could articulate an insult. They love it. Women have been learning etiquette and pomp since they were old enough to have tea parties with imaginary princesses. Men come home and start with their sarcastic office talk and Women get their feelings hurt. Women try and talk to Men with the daintiness of a doily and get ignored because their conversation is thought of in a Mans world as just shy of gay! If we are going to achieve a great marriage we must realize that the way we say things is as important to our spouse as how we say them. This comes back to our need to be bilingual. Every year I go to the Dominican Republic to do mission and social work. I often threw things from the moving truck to people on the side of the road. Not because I didn’t want to touch them. It was simply because somebody else was driving and I wanted to bless them with a bag of rice or a baseball for their kids as we passed them. My Dominican interpreter pulled me aside and told me that in his culture, to throw something to someone was a sort of insult, and came off as arrogant and uncaring. I certainly didn’t intend to do that. So I had to learn to give in a way the Dominican people could receive. And that way was hand to hand - face to face. So id did it that way from then on. I thought nothing of meeting their cultural expectations. Why? Because I wanted to let them know I care in a language they could understand. We need to do that for our spouses. Do you get it? It is pretty simple when you stop to think about it.
When I met Mr. Right I had no idea his first name was Always. -Rita Rudner
Women are givers and Men are takers. At least that is what I have been told. Truth is that Women are takers too. But for the most part Men will be happy in letting the Woman give and give and give. I’m cool with that! This is done under the auspices that Women are givers - so let them be who they are. Well Woman are takers too, but they take in different ways. Women need to take from a spouse time, love, and adoration. This is Eros and Storge here guys. Maybe a little Philia thrown in for good measure as well. Little gifts to a Woman are like back massages to us. A simple card and flowers goes a long way in meeting this taking need for a female. Men like to take in other areas. You figure out what those might be. But it is not the obvious! Men need that too, but they also need respect and appreciation for their hard work. They are hunter-gatherers who have been forced to go to work in a steel and glass enclosed box for you and the family. Give them the respect that gift deserves and you will see your marriage turn around.
If a Man finds a wife he has found a good thing – but if a Man finds a million dollars in small unmarked bills it would be better if keeps quiet about it.
Celebrate marriage! Scientist say that Married people enjoy a healthier life, and a more fulfilled sex life. Marriage is good for you. Every week you should bake a cake and sing Happy Anniversary to Us. Let the kids join in if you have them. If not borrow some from a neighbor. Marriage is a good thing. Marriage is a God thing. Men need to look at there wife with the same desire they did when they walked down the isle. This spouse is the Queen of your castle. Treat her that way. Make your children and/or step-children treat her that way also. Women need to treat the Men as the King of the castle. You too need to require your children to do this as well. Marriage is good for you. It doesn’t always feel like it at times. Neither does eating an apple a day. But in the long run this is a great thing... it keeps those evil Doctors away. Are you celebrating your marriage? Maybe you don’t think you can right now. Well start by celebrating the institution of marriage and then let it move on to you in a personal way as you progress in achieving a great marriage.
The difference between Men and Women can be reduced to this; Women don’t find farts amusing! -Justin Fennel
We all value what we bring to any situation differently. I happen to think I am worth at least fifty dollars an hour wherever I am working. Most of my bosses have felt differently. Those cheap... well you know. It is not that different in any relationship including our marriage. I am not saying that it is right, just that it is. A Man may feel that because he works a job that he should be able to chalk that up to having all of his work done for the day when he comes home and expects a little grateful remuneration (if you know what I mean) in return at any time he wants it. A Woman works (at home or in the workplace) and shuffles the kids around between meal preparation and feels that she is owed a little conversation after the kids go to bed that doesn’t include Barney or the Power Rangers. Both of them have placed a value on their work and most of the time each feels that they are the major contributor to making the home work. Both of you need to stop this selfish kind of thinking. Each party needs to stop thinking of themselves as the only giver in the family. You are one of two givers... and one of two receivers. Your job is not to find equitability, but rather to see how much you can bless each other for each others work.
We survey people about their private sex lives, and write manuals based on data gained by watching people perform sex in a laboratory setting. To junior high students we teach details of sexuality forbidden to previous generations. At the same time, I know of no greater failure among Christians than in presenting a persuasive approach to sexuality. Outside the church, people think of God as the great spoilsport of human sexuality, not its inventor. -Phillip Yancey
My wife would be quick to point out that she is sick of female comedians parading around the idea that Women don’t like sex and Men like it too much. She would quickly tell you that Women who have not been mistreated in this area, abused, or used, like it as much as a Man. Sex, as I said before is a good thing. God created it to be enjoyed by both parties. I believe our problems develop in the way Men have approached sex. Most Men approach sex as Larry the Cable Guy... you know... Get’r Done! Is it any wonder that this spouse, who speaks a different dialect, also approaches sex from a different perspective. For a Woman, great sex begins when the couple converses in the morning and culminates in a mutually satisfying orgasmic experience later that evening when the kids have gone to bed. Can I say the word foreplay without anyone freaking out? Too many Men see foreplay as the time it takes to get their work clothes off. Women on the other hand are looking for emotional intimacy to coincide with physical intimacy. The book contains more about this that you really wanted to know. So let me just wrap it up with a challenge to the Men. If you are a two-minute sprinter... STOP! We are not at the Daytona Speedway. This is your beloved... let the time you take with her tell her that honest truth... in your words, in your time, and in your tender caresses. Did you know that Women love to be hugged?
Before marriage a Man will lie awake at night thinking about something you said; after marriage he will fall asleep before you finish saying it. -Helen Rowland
If you really want to have a great sex life within a great marriage you need to eliminate all pornography from you line of sight. No person can live up to what twelve script writers, five camera angles, a booty double, and thousands of dollars of silicone can produce. Now when I say pornography I am not limiting that to internet nudity. The daytime soaps, the chick flicks, and the romance novels can be as detrimental to a females sex life as the girly magazines are to a male. Anything that makes your sex life a comparative act is going to cost you more than you want to pay. Is it any wonder that we are not sexually satisfied when we have been sexually snacking all day long. Great sex begins with exclusivity of the mind. Great sex continues as two people can experience and grow together without the aide of external arousal. I would challenge both sexes to go on a fast from [all] external sexual stimuli and see if that doesn’t greatly improve their sex life. Enough said... read the whole book.
The quarrels of lovers are like summer storms. Everything is more beautiful when they have passed. -Suzanne Necker
Every relationship has its fights. The problem is that most spouses fight more against their spouse than they fight for the marriage. Commit yourself to fighting FOR your marriage. And when you fight - fight fair! The unacceptable fighting is that which is dealt in covert blows, underhanded responses, and loud apathy. It is what we in the field call passive aggressiveness. Quickly defined it would be acting poorly toward your spouse in an effort to express your anger rather than simply dealing openly and honestly with the issues. This is a big problem. And it rips at the very soul of relationships. Be a Man, be a Woman, deal with your problems face to face and quit firing mortar into each others camp. The truth is you are in the same camp... and those mortars are killing both your marriages, because it is one and the same.
Opinions are like hind quarters, everybody has them, and many of them stink.
Everybody can tell you what you need to “say” to your spouse, or what you need to do to get them to change. Most of these people have more problems than you. We all like to be the expert on something... heck anything... everything! I know - I know - here I am writing a book of my opinions. Get marital advice from people who have great marriages, and have had them for a long time. The girls down at the office or the boys at work need to get their own marriages in order. Why listen to them? If our going to get help, find a godly professional who still believes the Bible truths offer more insight than Freudian bull droppings that blame everything on a perverted attraction to ones mother. C’mon people... this aint rocket science here. You wouldn’t take your child's broken arm to Plumber, or would you? Well at least not unless that plumber also went to medical school. Mine did. Who knew?
There is no remedy for love but to love more. -Henry David Thoreau
There is a final critical key ingredient to experiencing a lifelong great marriage. That is forgiveness. Marriages need forgiveness to reign freely because we are all jaded hurtful people at times. We all make mistakes and sometimes willfully decide to participate in actions that cause others pain. God has called every Christ follower to exemplify the exemplify the same level of forgiveness He offered us in Christ Jesus our Lord. We need to model that forgiveness in our marriages as well as every other relationship in our lives. And we need to model that whether or not the offending party asks for it, desires it, or deserves it. Forgiveness is as much about our own wholeness as it is about our spouses wholeness. Unforgiveness is a cancer that eats at our very soul. Keep it in you very long and you will wind up dead... and in a place where you really don’t want to be. That is Biblical! So Ladies get your panties un-wadded and get in there and fight for your marriage with everything that is in you. And that means you will start with yourself. Men... you may be the lord of your castle, but remember your castle sits on land borrowed from the King of the universe. You are a master under the Master... live with that understanding. Marriage is designed to be - Man living for the Woman and the Woman living for the Man. We must call a moratorium on the “eye for an eye - tooth for a tooth” responses we have been giving to each other. Those who allow this in their marriage wind up blind and toothless. Stop it right here and right now.
This synopsis will now end where the larger book begins. With the miracle of marriage verse given by Jesus himself. And this miracle can be yours. For the sake of your own happiness and the happiness of your spouse it must be attained.
Haven't you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made Man and Woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a Man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh - no longer two bodies but one.
-Matthew 19:4-5
Now don’t be a lazy slug. Go back and read the book in its entirety. You will laugh, you will cry, and you may even wind up with a great marriage to boot!