Dailybard! is untraditional in the tradition of Richard Armour, Ray Allen Billington, Jonathan Swift, H. Allen Smith, Ogden Nash, e. e. cummings, Calvin Trillin, Goodman Ace, John Ciardi, and Isaac Asimov. They all looked at serious issues with humor, and a well-honed needle.
The verses deal with the famous and the obscure, and reveal tidbits never mentioned in history classes. They are a whimsical trip into word play, puns, and juxtaposition of ideas that make smiles, chuckles, and give pause for genuine thought.
It is whimsical:
January 3 (1892)
Born in South Africa, Tolkien, J. R. R.,
The famous novelist and scholar-ar-ar.
Who hasn’t read Lord of the Rings?
His Sir Gawain, who fought green things,
And Beowulf, are far less jocular-ar-ar.
It is instructive:
May 31 (1669)
Concluding his diary, due to poor eyesight,
The last entry, “I hope that some troglodyte
Or lost soul among the preppies
Won’t pronounce my name as Peppies,
But keeps it Samuel Pepys,” he said with foresight.
What Strunk and White omitted, is covered here:
May 28 (1843)
“No, my dear, it is I who am surprised;
You are merely astonished,” extemporized
Webster to his wife, to dissuade,
When she caught him squeezing the maid.
“Poor usage, my dear, is so uncivilized.”
It is literary:
October 25 (1400)
A Parliament of Fowls gathered round his bier,
G. Chaucer died, was he greater than Shakespeare?
You take Mister Melville’s White Whale,
And I’ll take Geoffrey’s “Miller’s Tale,”
And see just which one is bringing up the rear.
June 16 (1936)
Dorothy Parker awoke, found her hubby dead.
When someone asked what she could do, Parker said,
“Get me a new husband.” When accused
Of being insensitive, she enthused,
“You can go to the deli and get rye bread.”
It is instructive and literary:
June 13 (1865)
Capable of so many amazing feats,
Born the all-arounder William Butler Yeats.
Like playing against Byzantium,
Hitting homers gargantuan,
Played nineteen innings without a Paracletes.
June 13 (1865)
Not to be confused with William Butler Yeats
Dublin-born, one of the literary greats,
Poet, prose writer, and playwright.
Everyone! pronounce his name right,
Or be sent to the showers at Hotel Bates!
It is historical: Obscure tidbits history deletes—on how the Rockefellers lived and died:
July 8 (1839) (1908)
Rockefellers born, Nelson A. and John D.,
One made Standard Oil, the other made VP.
Roosevelt thought J. D. should hang,
And Nelson went out with a bang
In a room with a gal who wasn’t Happy!
It is theological:
December 10 (1968)
Thomas Merton died today; he didn’t have a stroke,
The monk needed a soft drink after all he spoke.
So at the outdoor pop machine
Lightening struck him; God’s hand was seen
Proving, once again, wings go better with Coke.
And it is politically incorrect:
September 3 (401 BC)
“March Up Country” ended when Cyros killed by
(401 BC) javelin in the eye,
As reported by Xenophon.
Painful death, yet no telethon
For folks struck by this misfortune—don’t know why.
February 12 (1909)
America’s the N double-A CP
Incorporated in Washington for free.
If they got together today
They now would be the N four-A
That’s only if they wanted to be PC.
